I brought my girlfriend into the world of teasing and denial, along with chastity, roughly a year and a half ago. It’s been an on-again, off-again journey, but I’ve always been the one to start these periods of abstinence—which is what we prefer to call them. The longest stretch lasted about 6.5 weeks without a full orgasm.
Those times were great for experimenting with the (mostly hardcore) chastity fantasies you see online. They usually ended when my enthusiasm waned, and it also got on her nerves slightly playing this game around the clock for weeks without really seeing the benefits herself. Sex wasn’t much of an option because I wanted to avoid full orgasms. Plus, achieving that kind of dominance requires experience, which we were lacking at first. This led to quite a bit of topping from the bottom. We tried several cages but none fit me well, so I’ll need a custom-made chastity device—which is stretching our budget right now.
Since January, though, we’ve sort of reconnected with it together. My personal hurdle has been that I enjoy masturbating frequently and lack self-control in that area, so we decided to do something to refine our sex life. I love being devoted to her, but you can’t really be when you’re jerking off three times a day. Having experienced both extremes (masturbating whenever the mood struck versus strict denial), it seems we’ve found a middle ground. We don’t want to eliminate sex; quite the opposite: we aim for a joyful sexual life. Also, you don’t need to stay chaste for weeks on end to enjoy tease and denial.
So, here is what we decided: I’m unsure when my next orgasm will come, and I can’t have one without her permission. Generally, I am only allowed to climax during sex, not solo, which keeps me focused on the important stuff;) If she finishes first, our sexy time is over, though she might show mercy and allow a ruined one or something similar. I am very grateful for every little release she grants me, but she owes me nothing. She makes the decisions now and started this whole process on her own, which is impressive. Before, it was always my choice to dominate myself, which didn’t quite work. If you tell someone to take charge, well, wasn’t it still your decision? I feel that suggests a false sense of control (I started this, so I can end it). We knew we needed to spice things up in the bedroom, but she is making the choices on design and methods now. Not sure how else to put it, but this feels significant to me. By now, she enjoys it too, and it has worked its magic on our relationship overall. She does a great job teasing me (with words, sexy outfits, etc.).
I still get to cum once or twice a week, which seems plenty for some of you reading here. Then again, we’re only in our twenties and have been at this for four months now. Who knows where the road leads.
All in all, she is still my girlfriend and we are equal partners. Sexually speaking, however, she is also my mistress, and I am at her mercy. We both like it so far; it has improved our sex life and relationship. We no longer ignore our sexual needs or satisfy them alone but try to do so together—that’s probably the most crucial part here. Our lives don’t revolve entirely around chastity or tease & denial, but they are very welcome tools that make the relationship work even better because that is what truly matters.
Questions and suggestions are welcome!:)