Chastity and orgasm denial discussion

Well Miss Veronica i was having sex with her girlfriend. She told my Wife i was given an ultimatum locked or else. i chose locked, but i believe this was calculated scheme by them to get me her. If You Miss Veronica have any other questions let me know as i here too as a punishment. Thank You for Your Time

An interesting question Miss Veronica. My Mistress, quite some time ago, decided that she wasn't enjoying our PIV sex. As the head of our relationship that was her choice. I never felt less valued or appreciated. There was no less intimacy. I was not caged back then. We didn't even know of chastity, but I was put in panties as our roles were gradually reversed. She wanted to be in charge in the bedroom. Once we discovered chastity, now it can't happen, and I'm very reminded of that. I know Mistress misses being able to freely play with her toys, but she does help herself to the parts available. Of course if she wants to play or allow me an infrequent squirt (her word) she simply unlocks it. Of course it doesn't mean that she doesn't get what she wants and needs. I have a long and useful tongue.;-)

My wife's sex drive is much lower than mine. I'm very kinky and like to explore different things. I came across chastity and it seemed fun. My wife liked the dominant feeling and went with it.

She likes the way I behave more when I'm locked she realized that I'm a bummer after I cum. There's a lot more going in under the covers too. Since she's the boss, sex goes at her pace, which currently doesnt include PIV due to her havubg some chronic nerve pain and also we're busy folks. As for how we got here... We had a vicious cycle in our relationship. She wanted me to make large emotional efforts to connect more in the relationship then the kinky stuff would follow. I wanted kinky sex to grow my emotional connection so I would invest more. We were both wired backwards of each other. We had a chicken-egg situation with no easy answer, then we started doing chastity and (currently) light FLR. She's getting her emotionally connected man so she's fulfilled without lots of PIV. She doesn't feel guilty for bossing me around. I enjoy doing things for her and taking sex off the table (she initiates on her terms). We talk a whole heck of a lot more and build the emotional connection she wants and I genuinely enjoy it too. Theres not a lot of BDSM currently but sexual frustration is plenty of kink under chastity and is better than the sometimes-hostile lack of sexual contact that we had before. I think me telling her sex from now on is her's to control and she can pick the kinky level, as well as releasing her from some "barters" we had made over the years really surprised her and made her happy. Her happy, once again, means we're in a good, stable state without lots of PIV

> Miss Veronica said: > When a Domme cages her submissive, she means to not have penetrative sex with him, or perhaps any sex at all, for the period of confinement. > So, I want to know the devious reasons why your Domme doesn’t want to have sex with you. Why is she choosing to go without? > (If you are so kind to indulge me, I promise I will share my thoughts. xx ) > Click to expand... Chastity is different for every couple. My wife and KH loves her Penis. When we started out she had me uncage every evening and would play with her Penis.. When she felt like it she would ride it. She would either say you cant come or I would ask and sometimes she would permit Orgasm. Now, for what ever reason she decided the penis is not as important anymore and she enjoys the cuddles and massages but whenever she thinks of a sexual act she asks fro me to be unlocked. So if you love Penis, take Penis. It should be your choice.

Wife has simply been physically "off" penetration for a few years, therefore she doesn't want conventional sex with me. She's also very dominant, so male chastity suits her for practical and erotic reasons.

My wife doesn't get much, if any, satisfaction from my smaller than average penis. So she doesn't miss it much when it's locked up. She is naturally sexually dominant and a sadist, so she loves that aspect, and she very much enjoys my submission and servitude and total compliance. And it infuriates her at times just how much I masturbate (hint: A LOT) when I'm left to my own devices.

Chastity has ruined my stamina. She laughs at how quick I come from PIV. She still gets satisfied with PIV, just not from me. I satisfy her sexually from oral. I used to have stamina. But chastity ruined it.

My wife actually has a very high sex drive. When we started dating, we would have sex daily, mostly initiated by her. She is a bit younger, and I was certainly not used to that. So the devious reasons for keeping me locked up? 1. It’s not needed, or the preferred way of pleasing her. Since she started to actually believe in and actively live as her role, she no longer felt obligated to include me in her pleasure. I’m quite small, and she enjoys something bigger. We have toys and a powerful wand, and my penis doesn’t need to be unlocked for either. So her pleasure is the focus, and mine is a reward, since my pleasure has little to nothing to do with hers. 2. She has threatened about extended lock ups as a punishment, caught jerking would be a year etc, but for the most part, locked is just a means to an end. A tool to keep me submissive and keep me or anyone else away from her stuff. Unlike many, she doesn’t use denial, she wouldn’t deny herself, the only reason I am kept locked for long periods is because she hasn’t felt the need to. If I had an eight inch cock and i was well behaved, I assure you that I would hardly ever be in that cage.

> Miss Veronica said: > When a Domme cages her submissive, she means to not have penetrative sex with him, or perhaps any sex at all, for the period of confinement. > *Let me just say: I know sex isn’t everything, you don’t even need it for romantic relationships, but I also know that sex, and especially intimacy, is important for many men to feel valued and appreciated, supported and desired, even. And, since I’m a highly sexual being – I’m sexually dominant – sex is naturally important to me. I adore the male body… I wants it! Sometimes my puppy being in chastity is more agonising for me than him…haha! (And I think he secretly loves that.:/ )* > So, I want to know the devious reasons why your Domme doesn’t want to have sex with you. Why is she choosing to go without? > (If you are so kind to indulge me, I promise I will share my thoughts. > In the beginning, mistress wass right with me in kink. She was new but enthusiastic and learned quickly. Then fibromyalgia started and she hurt more a little each day. With that, her sex drive went and mine still went full throttle. that nearly destroyed us. > Googled "how can i save our marriage?" After constant scrolling saw male chastity. I had seen it long before and only considered it another kink out there. > After some research and discussion with my wife i ordered a ht knockoff i liked and ordered her a manual for her birthday. > That was 30 months ago. I have been locked in steel for the better part of that time. Once my initial mindfuck was clear, i found myself simply paying more attention to her. At first she was freaked out, now it gets randomly inspected and draws out a large sadistic smile. Still get piv, occasionally and its incredible for both of us. > Click to expand...

Mrs Edge isn't very kinky; she enjoys the control she has by locking me up. When she hit menopause, PIV became uncomfortable, which wasn't fun for either of us. She's over that part now, and it's fun (with a lot of lube). Since she prefers PIV, she has me wear a strapon (it's very close to my own shape and size, so it's not uncomfortable). This way, she's not denying herself anything, and she knows how amped up it makes me.

Mistress Tina prefers my attitue much better when I am locked. I am very seldom every unlocked. She prefers that I orally worship her ass and pussy before she masturbates to orgasm in front of me. Often times she just tells me to sit across the bedroom and watch. When we do have sex she prefers that I wear a thick strap on over my cage. On very special occasion when she allows PIV sex I am required to apply a generous amount of numbing cream followed by two condoms so I have no feeling and do not get to have an orgasm. Since she locked me over 3 years ago are closer and more intimate then we were the previous 22 years were married. Mistress Tina says that having me locked is very romantic and is the best thing she has ever done for us.

I think it is a complicated answer for me. she enjoys it very much. > Miss Veronica said: > Sometimes my puppy being in chastity is more agonising for me than him…haha! (And I think he secretly loves that.:/ ) > Click to expand... I know She feels this because She has brought it up before. After we bought the full belt She has the key and I never unlock it. To see locked up is quite a turn on for Her. She loves to see me like that. As far as intimacy, there is more than enough. she has found multiple ways to enjoy Herself with or without my help. I have been out 5 times in 17 months for Os. When I am it is an all day affair. I think She likes the build up of waiting and uses it to keep Her libido high, which it is. It is wonderful to be Her's when ever She wants me in any way. So it is not that She doesn't want the sex with me, it is that she gets more as it is now.:+1:

My Mistress/Domme loves having sex. What she doesn’t love is the masturbation I do between the times we have sex. So that’s why I’m locked, to save myself up for her.

> Martin55 said: > Well Miss Veronica i was having sex with her girlfriend. She told my Wife i was given an ultimatum locked or else. i chose locked, but i believe this was calculated scheme by them to get me her. If You Miss Veronica have any other questions let me know as i here too as a punishment. > Thank You for Your Time > Click to expand... Wow. Thank you for your honesty. I have so many questions...! The one that seems to be jumping first is: Are you a masochist? Some people thrive on emotional difficulties. Do you enjoy the situation you are in? (Because you essentially chose it.) My second question is: Why does she keep you around? My third question: What punishment did her girlfriend get for having sex with you? x

> Penney said: > An interesting question Miss Veronica. My Mistress, quite some time ago, decided that she wasn't enjoying our PIV sex. As the head of our relationship that was her choice. I never felt less valued or appreciated. There was no less intimacy. I was not caged back then. We didn't even know of chastity, but I was put in panties as our roles were gradually reversed. She wanted to be in charge in the bedroom. > Once we discovered chastity, now it can't happen, and I'm very reminded of that. I know Mistress misses being able to freely play with her toys, but she does help herself to the parts available. Of course if she wants to play or allow me an infrequent squirt (her word) she simply unlocks it. > Of course it doesn't mean that she doesn't get what she wants and needs. I have a long and useful tongue.;-) > Click to expand... I'm presuming she prefers to keep your relationship monogamous? Hm... If she wasn't having sex with you before using chastity, what's the need for her to put you in chastity now? Is it the case of 'if I can't get off with your junk, you can't either?'...lol. What is the purpose of your chastity now?

> Locked N Sealed said: > My wife's sex drive is much lower than mine. I'm very kinky and like to explore different things. I came across chastity and it seemed fun. My wife liked the dominant feeling and went with it. > Click to expand... lol... I would say you were a very lucky man.;) But this points out something very important - you don't have to be aroused or have a sex drive to be sexual. I have met so many men who are frustrated because their wives have lost their sex drive and therefore don't want anything to do with sex any more. But the things these wives don't realise is, sex can happen for more reasons than just drive - fascination, exploration, closeness, to name a few other motivations. I particularly like how your Domme's open mindedness became the solution to your incompatible sex drives.

> Jinkyu said: > She likes the way I behave more when I'm locked she realized that I'm a bummer after I cum. There's a lot more going in under the covers too. Since she's the boss, sex goes at her pace, which currently doesnt include PIV due to her havubg some chronic nerve pain and also we're busy folks. As for how we got here... > We had a vicious cycle in our relationship. She wanted me to make large emotional efforts to connect more in the relationship then the kinky stuff would follow. I wanted kinky sex to grow my emotional connection so I would invest more. We were both wired backwards of each other. We had a chicken-egg situation with no easy answer, then we started doing chastity and (currently) light FLR. She's getting her emotionally connected man so she's fulfilled without lots of PIV. > She doesn't feel guilty for bossing me around. I enjoy doing things for her and taking sex off the table (she initiates on her terms). We talk a whole heck of a lot more and build the emotional connection she wants and I genuinely enjoy it too. Theres not a lot of BDSM currently but sexual frustration is plenty of kink under chastity and is better than the sometimes-hostile lack of sexual contact that we had before. > I think me telling her sex from now on is her's to control and she can pick the kinky level, as well as releasing her from some "barters" we had made over the years really surprised her and made her happy. Her happy, once again, means we're in a good, stable state without lots of PIV > Click to expand... Thanks for the details. Just one question: Since she has been getting her emotionally connected man, has she wanted more kinky stuff because of getting the 'large emotional effort'?

> Love&Passion said: > Chastity is different for every couple. My wife and KH loves her Penis. When we started out she had me uncage every evening and would play with her Penis.. When she felt like it she would ride it. She would either say you cant come or I would ask and sometimes she would permit Orgasm. > Now, for what ever reason she decided the penis is not as important anymore and she enjoys the cuddles and massages but whenever she thinks of a sexual act she asks fro me to be unlocked. So if you love Penis, take Penis. It should be your choice. > Click to expand... Yes!!! I'm glad to read your comments. I've read a lot of Dommes who practice chastity and not very many of them seem to like sex, especially PIV, with their submissive. This seems very typical for D/slave relationships. And, it's easy to think that a Domme who cages her sub doesn't want sex with him, but that's not to case for some (like me). I use chastity/denial to increase sexual experiences. Using chastity makes me constantly think of having sex with my sub...lol. So, if I was answering my own question above, I'd say it's not that I don't want sex with my sub, it's that I want to delay it to build intensity.

> Giles_English said: > Wife has simply been physically "off" penetration for a few years, therefore she doesn't want conventional sex with me. She's also very dominant, so male chastity suits her for practical and erotic reasons. > Click to expand... Just curious but, has there ever been any discussion about you getting PIV from someone else? Or is it the idea, if she can't have it then you can't have it either? Hm... I just replied to a comment above about a Domme who likes 'penis' just like me.;) Has your Domme ever liked it too? In my experience a lot of Dommes like to cock cage because they don't like PIV with their subs or even their 'penis'.

> Miss Veronica said: > Wow. Thank you for your honesty. I have so many questions...! > The one that seems to be jumping first is: Are you a masochist? Some people thrive on emotional difficulties. Do you enjoy the situation you are in? (Because you essentially chose it.) > My second question is: Why does she keep you around? > My third question: What punishment did her girlfriend get for having sex with you? > x > Click to expand... You say "masochist" like its a bad thing?

> b_quark said: > My wife doesn't get much, if any, satisfaction from my smaller than average penis. So she doesn't miss it much when it's locked up. She is naturally sexually dominant and a sadist, so she loves that aspect, and she very much enjoys my submission and servitude and total compliance. And it infuriates her at times just how much I masturbate (hint: A LOT) when I'm left to my own devices. > Click to expand... Ooo... lots of questions for you...lol: Does your wife have other lovers/partners to compensate? 'Sexually dominant' and enjoys a locked cock? I think I'm misunderstanding. I'm sexually dominant and I'm always at my sub for his cock and ass. I'm constantly demanding to have him. I use chastity to not lock him away but to make sure he gives me a big load when I want it. I want it more than he does but I have to pace myself otherwise I'll exhaust him...lol. (And he's a young, vibrant boy, even;) ) I'm not only the one in control of our sexual experiences, I'm the one who wants more sex. lol... I never get why other Dommes don't like masturbation. It seems like it's a jealousy thing they have. But I love my sub masturbating. I love hearing about it (when he isn't being primed for a sexual encounter with me - then he gets punished if he breaks his chastity vow). I love for him to film it for me – he does often and leaves them for me as a sexy good morning awake up. But I also love the thought of him being on his own doing naughty things to himself just because. So... why does your Domme get angry at you for masturbating? Why doesn't she cage you if she can't trust you? cheers!

> Steviepie said: > You say "masochist" like its a bad thing? > Click to expand... Oh hell no. I love masochists! There has only ever been one sub I play with who can outlast my caning. She (a gorgeous crossdresser) is a dream. Though, I don't do emotional masochism. I'm into 'Positive Domination'. So, I'm very curious as to why you want to be in the situation you are in. What are you getting out of it?

> Miss Veronica said: > Thanks for the details. Just one question: > Since she has been getting her emotionally connected man, has she wanted more kinky stuff because of getting the 'large emotional effort'? > Click to expand... She's mentally topping me way more than she's ever physically topped me. So she's absolutely "playing the game" with me far more. She has her nerve issues, so once they're worked out, we'll see about the physical side. I'm guessing we'll have more frequent but different physical BDSM elements but what she'll choose to incorporate will be on her; my extreme fantasies (hood, encasement, heavy bondage, etc) will probably be more of a treat.

Princess generally likes PIV about every week or two and unlocks me whenever she wants . So, I guess she doesn’t miss it when I’m locked. That said, she gets a lot more sexual attention when I’m locked and has said a number of times that she thinks the sex is best when I have no expectations.

> Martin55 said: > Well Miss Veronica i was having sex with her girlfrien > Click to expand...

> Miss Veronica said: > So, I want to know the devious reasons why your Domme doesn’t want to have sex with you. Why is she choosing to go without? > Click to expand... That is the chastity paradox. She loves sex. A lot. Just on her own terms. No messing around in between, save it all for her.

> Miss Veronica said: > Just curious but, has there ever been any discussion about you getting PIV from someone else? Or is it the idea, if she can't have it then you can't have it either? > Hm... I just replied to a comment above about a Domme who likes 'penis' just like me.;) Has your Domme ever liked it too? In my experience a lot of Dommes like to cock cage because they don't like PIV with their subs or even their 'penis'. > Click to expand... No. I think I have always tended to pick partners who were not 100% keen on penetration so whereas she has a physical ambivalence, I probably have a mental one. In the past, PIV was just part of our intimacy, but it usually arrived as a gift to me rather than a route to orgasm with her. Change the dynamic, and PIV no longer makes sense to her, I guess.

> HeavyFeather said: > Chastity has ruined my stamina. She laughs at how quick I come from PIV. She still gets satisfied with PIV, just not from me. I satisfy her sexually from oral. I used to have stamina. But chastity ruined it. > Click to expand... Yikes!! I'm sorry to hear that (but I guess I'm the sort of girl who loves cock...hehe), but I suppose that's what your Domme wants? I often wonder why Dommes want to make their subs pathetic. I can understand if they are in just a service relationship but if they value their subs....? It makes a comment on women who have to 'downsize' their sub to be powerful. They would rather have dominion over the impotent than stallions? Haha! (It makes me wonder if they could get stallions in the first place.;) ) My dominance is not to capture and cage a sub, it is to set free so they yearn to stay. This creates a very desirable sort of submissive. He is more earnest and active, he doesn't just do what he's told - that's boring – but is constantly eager to win and keep my approval, and I love that. Um... just to clarify: She also has a lover to get the PIV she needs? I can see the huge contradiction in chastity. Chastity is about abstinence from ALL sexual intercourse - that also means oral. It takes two to 'intercourse' so even though a sub might not be receiving, he is giving. So logically, 'chastity' is technically the wrong word to use in a sense - it should denial. So, the sub might be denied use of his cock but he is still partaking in sex. But I'm wondering if we use the word chastity to actually create a mental state. The question is, do you feel like you are having sex giving oral when you are in chastity?

> Miss Veronica said: > Wow. Thank you for your honesty. I have so many questions...! > The one that seems to be jumping first is: Are you a masochist? Some people thrive on emotional difficulties. Do you enjoy the situation you are in? (Because you essentially chose it.) > My second question is: Why does she keep you around? > My third question: What punishment did her girlfriend get for having sex with you? > x > Click to expand... No i am not . My Wife was bi and She and Her Gf had a relationship where i was allowed to join in. After i was not getting involved anymore i took it upon myself to contact her. One thing lead to another. i was given to choices locked or else. i chose or else. She was not punished as it turns out since this started it was a calculated plan by both of them. i have been shown a cd showing me with her having sex. Both were there and their relationship goes on. i am locked and do as i am told now. i am not sure where this is headed. i Thank You for Your reply to my thread. If Miss Veronica You have more questions just ask i wll respond.

> Miss Veronica said: > Oh hell no. I love masochists! There has only ever been one sub I play with who can outlast my caning. She (a gorgeous crossdresser) is a dream. Though, I don't do emotional masochism. I'm into 'Positive Domination'. So, I'm very curious as to why you want to be in the situation you are in. What are you getting out of it? > Click to expand... Please PM me if you have specific questions.

> Nicoftime said: > My wife actually has a very high sex drive. When we started dating, we would have sex daily, mostly initiated by her. She is a bit younger, and I was certainly not used to that. > Click to expand... lol... I'm quite a bit older than my sub and boy, I have to pace us otherwise he'll get exhausted before I'm finished with him. haha! > Nicoftime said: > So the devious reasons for keeping me locked up? > 1. It’s not needed, or the preferred way of pleasing her. Since she started to actually believe in and actively live as her role, she no longer felt obligated to include me in her pleasure. I’m quite small, and she enjoys something bigger. We have toys and a powerful wand, and my penis doesn’t need to be unlocked for either. So her pleasure is the focus, and mine is a reward, since my pleasure has little to nothing to do with hers. > Click to expand... I'm finding this to be quite common. Women (not just Dommes) are tending to opt out of penetrative sex just because they don't get off on it. But to only do something just to get off on it is a limiting attitude. PIV is more than just orgasm and pleasure, it's about connection and it's about acceptance. No woman really needs PIV, she can live just fine without it... but that's the point. Knowing that and yet she still wants it with her partner, places enormous value on her sub. Domination to me is leadership, and leadership isn't about just doing what you want, it is about making decisions for the 'thrival' of the person in your care and your relationship. This is just a general announcement: The problem is, people think for a woman to be Dominant/a Domme she has to be selfish - that everything has to be for her. NO!!! That is a complete misconception. In M-Dom/f-sub relationships it is generally considered the Dom provides for the needs of their sub - he nurtures her to become her best self and to do that, it's all about giving and sacrifice on his part. This is no different to F-Dom/m-dom relationships. Dommes are the leader in a relationship, and brilliant leaders are never selfish. The other point I'd like to make: The pleasure of two has a synergy affect. So, I tend to see Dommes who only allow things for their own pleasure as limiting themselves. Why does your Domme want to do that? Fascinating. > Nicoftime said: > 2. She has threatened about extended lock ups as a punishment, caught jerking would be a year etc, but for the most part, locked is just a means to an end. A tool to keep me submissive and keep me or anyone else away from her stuff. > Click to expand... Lol... only if you are *caught* jerking. She is creating a sneaky sub...haha! She doesn't expect total honesty from you? I never have to catch my sub doing anything wrong as he never lies to me. I ask and he tells. And he has an impeccable conscience so he tends to dob himself in. I love him for it.:D (Though, I do think it sexy him jerking off...lol, even though I might punish him for it, especially if he didn't send me a vid.) Why is jerking off so bad for your Domme? lol... Such Gollum behaviour.;P Do you like your Domme being jealous and possessive? > Nicoftime said: > Unlike many, she doesn’t use denial, she wouldn’t deny herself, the only reason I am kept locked for long periods is because she hasn’t felt the need to. If I had an eight inch cock and i was well behaved, I assure you that I would hardly ever be in that cage. > Click to expand... lol... so she never edges you? she never says you have to stay in your cage for a certain about of time to stop yourself from touching?.... as those are denial techniques. I think your Domme does use denial.;) And yes! You have hit the nail on the head: "she hasn't felt the need to". If you don't use it, you lose it. I'm finding many Dommes use chastity on their subs because they don't want to have sex themselves. But by not having sex or being aroused is grinding their sex drive into dust. I think what chastity subs don't realise is, the longer they are in chastity, the more their Domme's sex drive is being killed off. I've been studying this for a few years and there is a very strong correlation. I'm being deadly serious here. It seems a lot of couples who do chastity seem to start off in a sexless relationship or end up in a sexless relationship. So, really when people boast about how many chastity days they've had/kept their sub in, they are really telling me how dead their sex life is. It is rare to find a chastity situation that actually increases sex drive for the female. I'm looking for them, because I can't believe I'm the only one.;)

> Miss Veronica said: > So logically, 'chastity' is technically the wrong word to use in a sense - it should denial. So, the sub might be denied use of his cock but he is still partaking in sex. But I'm wondering if we use the word chastity to actually create a mental state. The question is, do you feel like you are having sex giving oral when you are in chastity? > Click to expand... Oh my gosh, yes, I feel like I'm having sex when worshipping while in chastity! To listen to my wife cum so hard, so repeatedly, to know I am pleasuring her so intimately, of course that is sex! Intimacy is the foundation of sex and its primary benefit, and to give so much pleasure so selflessly, to be allowed to hear and experience her passion and pleasure is an intimate gift from her. "Denial" can be a synonym for chastity, at least when she is not using the key. A locked man gives his penis to his domme, she becomes the decider of whether it may become erect, and so long as she chooses not to use the key and leaves him locked she denies him his erection, she denies his stallion essence. And when uses her key and permits erection, she can deny his emission, or choose to allow it. And she also chooses whether it will be permitted inside her or whether he will be denied that most natural and intimate pleasure. So chastity facilitates and catalyzes her control and her denial. With us, the whole point of chastity is her ability to control and her ability to deny. She wants to know that I am not masturbating, she wants to deny that. She wants to know that only she can grant erection and pleasure, that the penis reserved only for her. She wants to know that I will yield to her pleasure and prioritize her, make her superior, including giving her oral while she denies erection. And in doing so she controls her stallion, makes me attentive and obedient, makes me submit and accept my submissiveness, corrects and prevents my erectile narcissism. Deny me, please, that I may submit, that I may get past my selfish erection and make it yours.

Ok, I find this story endearing. There seems to be no D/s factor here but using chastity for a positive outcome. Doing this for your partner – changing your situation to match hers – is showing great love. I hope she appreciates it. Best.

> Tom Allen said: > Mrs Edge isn't very kinky; she enjoys the control she has by locking me up. When she hit menopause, PIV became uncomfortable, which wasn't fun for either of us. She's over that part now, and it's fun (with a lot of lube). Since she prefers PIV, she has me wear a strapon (it's very close to my own shape and size, so it's not uncomfortable). This way, she's not denying herself anything, and she knows how amped up it makes me. > Click to expand... This scenario is actually quite common and I think it is a very practical and sensitive way of dealing with a woman's change of life. More non-kinky people should be introduced to this to keep their connection thriving. Though, I much prefer organic over plastic....lol.;)

> Tina's Bitch said: > Mistress Tina prefers my attitue much better when I am locked. I am very seldom every unlocked. She prefers that I orally worship her ass and pussy before she masturbates to orgasm in front of me. Often times she just tells me to sit across the bedroom and watch. When we do have sex she prefers that I wear a thick strap on over my cage. > On very special occasion when she allows PIV sex I am required to apply a generous amount of numbing cream followed by two condoms so I have no feeling and do not get to have an orgasm. > Since she locked me over 3 years ago are closer and more intimate then we were the previous 22 years were married. Mistress Tina says that having me locked is very romantic and is the best thing she has ever done for us. > Click to expand... It seems your situation is very sweet and I'd like to ask some some serious questions here: How do you feel about the fact that she doesn't want you to have any sexual pleasure with her? She wants only a part of you, not all of you. How does that make you feel?

> Allen1987 said: > I think it is a complicated answer for me. she enjoys it very much. > I know She feels this because She has brought it up before. After we bought the full belt > She has the key and I never unlock it. To see locked up is quite a turn on for Her. She loves > to see me like that. As far as intimacy, there is more than enough. she has found multiple ways > to enjoy Herself with or without my help. > I have been out 5 times in 17 months for Os. When I am it is an all day affair. I think She likes > the build up of waiting and uses it to keep Her libido high, which it is. It is wonderful to be Her's > when ever She wants me in any way. So it is not that She doesn't want the sex with me, it is that > she gets more as it is now.:+1: > Click to expand... Hard questions here: How does it feel to know she only wants you about 3 times a year? Don't you wish she wanted you more? Do you want to be wanted more? And if you do, does she even care about that? (I'm starting to form the opinion that a lot of Dommes are more selfish than Dominant. I'm really hoping you'll prove me wrong.)

> Powerocket said: > My Mistress/Domme loves having sex. What she doesn’t love is the masturbation I do between the times we have sex. So that’s why I’m locked, to save myself up for her. > Click to expand... This makes absolute sense to me!! I connect with it. However, I love it when my puppy masturbates. I think it sexy (and I like him being naughty...hehe). Though, when I have a full weekend of kinky plans, I tell him he can only edge, not to cum or orgasm, so he can give me loads when I want it.;D

> Jinkyu said: > She's mentally topping me way more than she's ever physically topped me. So she's absolutely "playing the game" with me far more. > She has her nerve issues, so once they're worked out, we'll see about the physical side. I'm guessing we'll have more frequent but different physical BDSM elements but what she'll choose to incorporate will be on her; my extreme fantasies (hood, encasement, heavy bondage, etc) will probably be more of a treat. > Click to expand... Yes, good Dommes choose what's best for her sub and the relationship, not what's best for her.;) She can only do that when she is strong and confident, which also means she needs to take care of herself too. It's all good!

> Miss Veronica said: > It is rare to find a chastity situation that actually increases sex drive for the female. I'm looking for them, because I can't believe I'm the only one.;) > Click to expand... And for good reason... There are others. Including Me. Except I didn't really *need* a boost in that area! I am borderline insatiable, as is... Having him locked typically just adds fuel to the fire. Locking him didn't start as any form of punishment or as a 'set it and forget it' mechanism. I can't see it ever going that direction. The combo of the cage and My key feels like an extension of our wedding bands - and our vows. They both symbolize the deepest relationship in My life and it's something I take rather seriously. However, I've been told (more than once or twice) that I'm doing chastity 'wrong' because of how often I unlock him for use.:rolleyes: Screw that noise. I love having sex with My husband/sub, penetrative or otherwise. Yes, strapons are great fun but the intimacy during karezza takes My breath away sometimes. That connection feels irreplaceable. I don't have a worry that he feels entitled to or will beg for penetration. He never pressures Me to spill. He knows his place and enjoys being there. As do I. So in our situation, the only times I 'go without' are due to pesky life stuff getting in the way. Not the cage.

> Breathe said: > And for good reason... There are others. Including Me. > Except I didn't really *need* a boost in that area! I am borderline insatiable, as is... Having him locked typically just adds fuel to the fire. > Locking him didn't start as any form of punishment or as a 'set it and forget it' mechanism. I can't see it ever going that direction. > The combo of the cage and My key feels like an extension of our wedding bands - and our vows. They both symbolize the deepest relationship in My life and it's something I take rather seriously. > However, I've been told (more than once or twice) that I'm doing chastity 'wrong' because of how often I unlock him for use.:rolleyes: > Screw that noise. I love having sex with My husband/sub, penetrative or otherwise. Yes, strapons are great fun but the intimacy during karezza takes My breath away sometimes. That connection feels irreplaceable. > I don't have a worry that he feels entitled to or will beg for penetration. He never pressures Me to spill. He knows his place and enjoys being there. As do I. > So in our situation, the only times I 'go without' are due to pesky life stuff getting in the way. Not the cage. > Click to expand... Bravo, @Breathe. Chastity as a means to increase intimacy is what it's all about for us. The ancillary activities that come with chastity, including my submission and granting her control of my erection, are just stations on that route.

> Miss Veronica said: > This makes absolute sense to me!! I connect with it. However, I love it when my puppy masturbates. I think it sexy (and I like him being naughty...hehe). Though, when I have a full weekend of kinky plans, I tell him he can only edge, not to cum or orgasm, so he can give me loads when I want it.;D > Click to expand... As much as anything for us, I feel like I shouldn’t masturbate, but save myself for my girlfriend. She isn’t to fussed about my masturbation, but loves that I can be locked up and all my sexual energy is saved for her.

> Breathe said: > And for good reason... There are others. Including Me. > Except I didn't really *need* a boost in that area! I am borderline insatiable, as is... Having him locked typically just adds fuel to the fire. > Locking him didn't start as any form of punishment or as a 'set it and forget it' mechanism. I can't see it ever going that direction. > The combo of the cage and My key feels like an extension of our wedding bands - and our vows. They both symbolize the deepest relationship in My life and it's something I take rather seriously. > However, I've been told (more than once or twice) that I'm doing chastity 'wrong' because of how often I unlock him for use.:rolleyes: > Screw that noise. I love having sex with My husband/sub, penetrative or otherwise. Yes, strapons are great fun but the intimacy during karezza takes My breath away sometimes. That connection feels irreplaceable. > I don't have a worry that he feels entitled to or will beg for penetration. He never pressures Me to spill. He knows his place and enjoys being there. As do I. > So in our situation, the only times I 'go without' are due to pesky life stuff getting in the way. Not the cage. > Click to expand... This is pretty much how I imagine our relationship being. My girlfriend wants penetrative sex and in a monogamous relationship I’m the only option. Keeping me locked up for when she is ready though is how we are working chastity in at the moment.

> Miss Veronica said: > I'm presuming she prefers to keep your relationship monogamous? > Hm... If she wasn't having sex with you before using chastity, what's the need for her to put you in chastity now? Is it the case of 'if I can't get off with your junk, you can't either?'...lol. What is the purpose of your chastity now? > Click to expand... That's a very good question. I suspect there are actually many of us in this situation. For me the cage is both a visual and physical reminder of my role in the relationship. Just as a wedding ring is. I'm often reminded as I must always sit to pee. Granted I sit without the cage, but with it, I must sit-and not just at home. When we play the focus is on her-it can't get hard and I can't cum unless she wants that to happen. As to the monogamous part, according to our FLM contract it is her decision to do as she pleases.

> Miss Veronica said: > This scenario is actually quite common and I think it is a very practical and sensitive way of dealing with a woman's change of life. More non-kinky people should be introduced to this to keep their connection thriving. Though, I much prefer organic over plastic....lol.;) > Click to expand... LOL - it's not that she doesn't prefer "organic," it's more that we've had to negotiate and compromise to find something that worked for both of us. I'm still sexual and kinky, and my libido has not taken a hit the way hers did. She has always liked the idea of denying me, or not allowing me to come. And of course, she enjoys the fact that I'm always aroused and simmering. When we have sex (which is actually more now than during our 30s and 40s and 50s), the strapon allows me to be physically close, and of course, when she's finished, I haven't lost that edge, and in the morning I'm still grabbing and fondling her. Edit; I guess the question might be "why not keep me locked and just unlock when she's in the mood?" I don't know. We've done that. What we're doing now just seems to work better.

> Miss Veronica said: > lol... I'm quite a bit older than my sub and boy, I have to pace us otherwise he'll get exhausted before I'm finished with him. haha! > I'm finding this to be quite common. Women (not just Dommes) are tending to opt out of penetrative sex just because they don't get off on it. But to only do something just to get off on it is a limiting attitude. PIV is more than just orgasm and pleasure, it's about connection and it's about acceptance. No woman really needs PIV, she can live just fine without it... but that's the point. Knowing that and yet she still wants it with her partner, places enormous value on her sub. Domination to me is leadership, and leadership isn't about just doing what you want, it is about making decisions for the 'thrival' of the person in your care and your relationship. > This is just a general announcement: The problem is, people think for a woman to be Dominant/a Domme she has to be selfish - that everything has to be for her. NO!!! That is a complete misconception. In M-Dom/f-sub relationships it is generally considered the Dom provides for the needs of their sub - he nurtures her to become her best self and to do that, it's all about giving and sacrifice on his part. This is no different to F-Dom/m-dom relationships. Dommes are the leader in a relationship, and brilliant leaders are never selfish. > The other point I'd like to make: The pleasure of two has a synergy affect. So, I tend to see Dommes who only allow things for their own pleasure as limiting themselves. Why does your Domme want to do that? Fascinating. > Lol... only if you are *caught* jerking. She is creating a sneaky sub...haha! She doesn't expect total honesty from you? I never have to catch my sub doing anything wrong as he never lies to me. I ask and he tells. And he has an impeccable conscience so he tends to dob himself in. I love him for it.:D (Though, I do think it sexy him jerking off...lol, even though I might punish him for it, especially if he didn't send me a vid.) Why is jerking off so bad for your Domme? > lol... Such Gollum behaviour.;P Do you like your Domme being jealous and possessive? > lol... so she never edges you? she never says you have to stay in your cage for a certain about of time to stop yourself from touching?.... as those are denial techniques. I think your Domme does use denial.;) > And yes! You have hit the nail on the head: "she hasn't felt the need to". If you don't use it, you lose it. I'm finding many Dommes use chastity on their subs because they don't want to have sex themselves. But by not having sex or being aroused is grinding their sex drive into dust. I think what chastity subs don't realise is, the longer they are in chastity, the more their Domme's sex drive is being killed off. I've been studying this for a few years and there is a very strong correlation. I'm being deadly serious here. It seems a lot of couples who do chastity seem to start off in a sexless relationship or end up in a sexless relationship. So, really when people boast about how many chastity days they've had/kept their sub in, they are really telling me how dead their sex life is. > It is rare to find a chastity situation that actually increases sex drive for the female. I'm looking for them, because I can't believe I'm the only one.;) > Click to expand... This! I would simply say that, "I like your attitude," but that doesn't really cover it. Better stated: "I like your philosophy!" I have been reading this board since May, 2017. I have introduced the concept of chastity to my (mostly) sexless marriage. You've hit my biggest fear head-on... that chastity will become a way to "set & forget" me. What I am longing for is to spark her naturally dominant personality into applying to our sex life, too. Building her confidence, and letting it take us where it will. But the old adage, "Be careful what you wish for rings in my ears." I have self-locked to the point that I can wear a cage for 10-days without chaffing, or pain - and it's time for her to be a part of it. You've clearly pointed out a potential fork in the road going forward, I hope that I am right in thinking she'll choose the same path that you travel... Bravo, @Miss Veronica!!

@Miss Veronica if interested please watch this ted talk. this is what inspired me to ask my wife to control my masturbation. from reading on this forum - most men are masturbation addicts but wont admit to their significant other. see the effect it has on the man. My wife now knows this. locks up her toy (my penis) and uses it as she likes/wants

> Miss Veronica said: > When a Domme cages her submissive, she means to not have penetrative sex with him, or perhaps any sex at all, for the period of confinement. > *Let me just say: I know sex isn’t everything, you don’t even need it for romantic relationships, but I also know that sex, and especially intimacy, is important for many men to feel valued and appreciated, supported and desired, even. And, since I’m a highly sexual being – I’m sexually dominant – sex is naturally important to me. I adore the male body… I wants it! Sometimes my puppy being in chastity is more agonising for me than him…haha! (And I think he secretly loves that.:/ )* > So, I want to know the devious reasons why your Domme doesn’t want to have sex with you. Why is she choosing to go without? > (If you are so kind to indulge me, I promise I will share my thoughts. xx ) > Click to expand... The reason my wife cages me isn't because she wants to avoid sex; it's a way for her to control both my penis and my orgasms. We still have regular intercourse, and I wouldn't be comfortable in a romantic partnership that lacked the physical closeness that sex brings. That said, while texting recently, I joked about her keeping me locked up until Valentine’s Day, though I doubted she could hold out that long without having me inside her. Because of this challenge, she decided we wouldn’t unlock until then. It will likely be the longest continuous period I’ve ever been locked, as I don't think I've gone more than a couple of weeks at a time before.

> Miss Veronica said: > Ooo... lots of questions for you...lol: > Does your wife have other lovers/partners to compensate? > Click to expand... Not yet. Maybe never? We do play with cuckolding a bit. She *very much* enjoys using her favorite large black dildo whenever she wants. 'Sexually dominant' and enjoys a locked cock? I think there might be some misunderstanding here. I am the sexually one, always pursuing my sub for his cock and ass. I constantly demand him. In fact, I use chastity not to lock him away entirely, but to ensure he builds up enough energy to give me a massive load when I want it. Although I desire sex more than he does, I have to pace myself or else I'll wear him out...lol. (And he's still young and vibrant, even;) ) So, not only am I the one in control of our sexual dynamics, but I'm also the one craving more sex. > Click to expand... To describe a typical encounter: I lie down on the bed, and she positions herself above me for 69. However, her face hovering over my small penis is mostly for teasing—using strands of hair or hot breath—with little measurable sexual satisfaction coming from that position for me directly. She’s usually naked while I wear panties to catch any (pre-)cum, perhaps because she prefers not to look at my tiny member during 'sex'. We start with me licking her until she reaches at least one orgasm. As she writhes on my face, shuddering and moaning through it, my little penis hardens within its cage or panties. I don't control when I ejaculate, so it's possible for me to cum early... When she is ready, she declares, "I need a cock in me NOW!" Sometimes I ask if she wants mine, but she might ignore the question, laugh, or say, "Don't be stupid. I need a real cock!" With her still on top of me, I reach into the nightstand for her favorite dildo, take it out of its bag, and lick/suck it to get it wet before sliding it inside while working my tongue along the shaft alongside hers. She presses down onto my face as I thrust the dildo in and out, frantically trying to keep my tongue moving where she needs it. If my tongue isn't pleasing her or if the motion of the dildo is off, she scolds me. This continues until she’s satisfied—usually with another spectacular orgasm, sometimes several smaller ones. Then she gets up, dresses, and orders me to clean up. Occasionally, if I'm not locked and haven't already cum in my panties, she allows me to masturbate right there or even very rarely onto her backside. If she’s feeling particularly bored, she’ll just lie there uninvolved. But most of the time, she leaves without giving me sexual satisfaction. > lol... I never get why other Dommes don't like masturbation. It seems like it's a jealousy thing they have. But I love my sub masturbating. I love hearing about it (when he isn't being primed for a sexual encounter with me - then he gets punished if he breaks his chastity vow). I love for him to film it for me – he does often and leaves them for me as a sexy good morning awake up. But I also love the thought of him being on his own doing naughty things to himself just because. So... why does your Domme get angry at you for masturbating? Why doesn't she cage you if she can't trust you? > Click to expand... Well, in her case, there are good reasons for this attitude. Before we entered into strict chastity and before she outright denied me PIV sex, our encounters were similar to what I described above: she would get all the pleasure she needed from a dildo/vibrator/tongue/fingers, then allow me to put on a small condom and hump away until I came while she lay there twiddling her thumbs. But sometimes she wanted the intimacy of regular sex too, which we did when it suited her desire. She still needed a vibrator on her clit to finish, though, as my modest penis alone cannot trigger orgasms for her. However, regardless of the scenario, there were generally two outcomes regarding my erections and orgasm: 1) I hadn't masturbated recently, so my erection was solid (though not large), allowing me to climax within seconds. In regular sex, this left her to finish up with her vibrator; or 2) I had masturbated recently, leaving me with only a very small, barely stiff semi-erection—small enough for condoms to slip off and for me to slide out of her often. This could mean it took forever for me to get fully hard and cum long after she wanted to give up. I discussed her decision to stop allowing PIV sex recently with her. I initially thought it was mainly due to my small, inadequate penis. But when the topic shifted to my lack of orgasm control, she indicated that was a big factor too. She definitely considers me a premature ejaculator. I think she likes chastity mostly for the control and submission/servitude it brings. And I believe she is somewhat sadistic; she loves denying me the masturbation that I love so much. She couldn't possibly use it to help me store up a big load for her, as you suggested, because if I've been locked for a while, I will most certainly cum within seconds—or even before being inside her. > cheers! > Click to expand... Cheers right back at you!:)

> Miss Veronica said: > Yikes!! I'm sorry to hear that (but I guess I'm the sort of girl who loves cock...hehe), but I suppose that's what your Domme wants? I often wonder why Dommes want to make their subs pathetic. I can understand if they are in just a service relationship but if they value their subs....? It makes a comment on women who have to 'downsize' their sub to be powerful. They would rather have dominion over the impotent than stallions? Haha! (It makes me wonder if they could get stallions in the first place.;) ) My dominance is not to capture and cage a sub, it is to set free so they yearn to stay. This creates a very desirable sort of submissive. He is more earnest and active, he doesn't just do what he's told - that's boring – but is constantly eager to win and keep my approval, and I love that. > Um... just to clarify: She also has a lover to get the PIV she needs? > I can see the huge contradiction in chastity. Chastity is about abstinence from ALL sexual intercourse - that also means oral. It takes two to 'intercourse' so even though a sub might not be receiving, he is giving. So logically, 'chastity' is technically the wrong word to use in a sense - it should denial. So, the sub might be denied use of his cock but he is still partaking in sex. But I'm wondering if we use the word chastity to actually create a mental state. The question is, do you feel like you are having sex giving oral when you are in chastity? > Click to expand... She does have what she calls ‘real men’. Every relationship is different. I feel freedom within my servitude and submission to my wife/owner. Yes, I definitely feel like I am having sex while performing oral for her. Furthermore, when I am with her and her 'real man', it also feels like part of the sexual dynamic.

> Miss Veronica said: > Yes, good Dommes choose what's best for her sub and the relationship, not what's best for her.;) She can only do that when she is strong and confident, which also means she needs to take care of herself too. It's all good! > Click to expand... Very true. She has always been along for the ride and participated in the kinkiness with me. I really messed up much earlier in our marriage (we've been together over a decade) when I told her I wasn't interested in food play, which as far as I can tell was the only spontaneous kinky thing she expressed back then. However now that she has the key, she's progressed down a path... - uncertain about this chastity concept - concerned for my penis - thinks I'm doing it all for just my sexual pleasure - happy with how I handle housework - hesitant to say no to whatever I ask - doesn't complain when I do chores wrong - comfortable with the idea of chastity but dislikes the cage itself - doesn't mind if I am locked for 3-4 days - says 'no' only if she feels strongly about it - suggests "you could do this chore differently" - happier with my housework results now - no longer worried about *her* penis needs as much - keeps me locked until she has a use for her own penis - tells me no easily and directly - gives clear instructions on what to do and how - knows that I want to focus primarily on her sexual pleasure So this shift happened in just a few months. I'm wondering (and secretly hoping) that I might experience some "buyers remorse" soon with her new attitude. She's being much more bossy, and I guess she'll take her newfound confidence and surprise me quite a bit.