Hello all, Following @LadyDez’s introduction, I’m her husband muffin. As she mentioned, I tend to talk quite a bit more than most.:p While she isn’t particularly active on forums, we decided against sharing an account so I could explore the space while trying to help her get comfortable with it too.:D
I’ve always had a sexual life defined by denial and pain. Going back as far as I can remember, when I was exploring my sexuality, I would play what I called “penis pain” games. I’d get an erection and force it to point downward, lying on my stomach for set periods of time. Eventually, I began incorporating things into my rectum while arching my back (which bent the penis even further down) until tears were involved. Later on, I added other practices like squeezing my testicles for specific counts at various “levels,” and pinching clothespins all over my body. Sometimes after an hour or two of this “torture,” I would manage to reach climax myself. My preferred method was stroking as slowly as possible and stopping if I caught myself subconsciously moving my legs. It typically took well over 45 minutes to finally finish. One time, the best experience I recall, I could feel nothing else in my body except for that single muscle pushing out the sperm, lol.
Online, I was one of those annoying little guys who desperately craved control within chat rooms. Through extensive reading and conversation with others, I learned a great deal about myself and various fetishes. In college, I even performed small webcam shows for people. There were times when I would masturbate directly into martini glasses to drink afterward or focus on my rear end. For an online mistress of mine, one of my favorite acts was covering myself in clothespins while masturbating, then rolling over onto them as I came. She loved it, and so did I.
Then, something magical occurred. While traveling, I watched The Daily Show interview the creators of the CB-2000. Of course, I knew about chastity belts—I’d seen The Princess Bride—but I didn’t realize how accessible they had become. I actually placed an order that very night over the phone during a rather awkward conversation with a lovely lady.
Since then, nearly every girlfriend received “the chastity talk” after a few months together regarding my strong interest in denial and desire to wear one if she was amenable. Before having this discussion, I always spent considerable time demonstrating how much I enjoyed servicing her body through oral sex, manual stimulation, kneeling, and massages. I ensured she had two or three orgasms before insertion and at least two during it, often giving her oral while she watched TV without expecting anything in return. If she only managed one orgasm during intercourse, I always apologized, feeling like a total failure. Essentially, I did everything possible to show that the arrangement was about pleasing her rather than restricting me, though I never quite shouted, “USE ME LIKE A THING!!!! SUCK EVERY OUNCE OF PLEASURE YOU CAN GET OUT OF ME, HURT ME TILL I CRY AND NEVER LET ME CUM!!! PLEASEEEE!!!” Perhaps I should have…
In my most successful relationships, it simply wasn’t a big deal. I served them sexually to the best of my ability because that’s just who I am, but usually what they wanted was for me to be pulled on top after three or four rounds involving tongue, fingers, toys, etc. They never quite grasped taking control of me fully. I recall once when my girlfriend adored oral sex; I gave it to her about a dozen times over eight hours while she watched TV with brief pauses. I actually had to stop because the bottom of my tongue was wearing down from my teeth and nearly bleeding. However, since she wasn’t dominant and didn’t care much for that dynamic, she simply loved receiving attention.:D While this was gratifying for me, something always felt slightly off.
Is all of this considered being “submissive”? I’m not entirely sure how to define it universally. But yes, I was deeply into denial, orgasm control, pain, and servitude, whether I was alone or with a partner who had no desire to be dominant. Perhaps my submissiveness is defined by spending so much time pleasing their bodies while never quite receiving what I dreamed of? Who knows. I am simply myself.
Now, I don’t claim to speak for LadyDez, but I knew something was special once our relationship moved into the sexual realm. Each night involved me giving her oral or touching her for a long duration before she said no sex. Then she would become little spoon and grind against me for at least thirty minutes, making me vibrate and throb with frustration. Naturally, since that’s who I am, I wouldn’t roll over and touch myself because it was clear she wanted my frustration. She also loved biting, which was something new to consider but wonderful.
However, we’ve struggled a bit to make chastity work consistently, even though she enjoyed seeing me locked up. Because she craves actual sex so much, I eventually get let out for that service. The issue this time is clearly my own reaction. After being allowed to finish, I become somewhat… grumpy? It becomes incredibly difficult then to agree to go back inside. I never expected this; it seems after finishing (and mind you, I don’t actually want to finish), I lose focus. I really dislike myself during these moments, and she hasn’t truly tried to force me back in since she enjoys sex so much and I remain sexually submissive and service-oriented whether or not I’m locked up.
Lately though, we seem to have found our rhythm. It’s been a month without release, and we are happier than ever. We’ve moved past many of those disruptive life events and feel very comfortable. @LadyDez is also sort of dating now, which makes me super happy; I hope she gains the satisfaction from it that I can’t provide in this state. This might be the key we were missing: her having a boyfriend or girlfriend whom she doesn’t control.
Anyway, there I am. I hope you enjoyed reading. It was actually quite cathartic to write everything down in such a straightforward manner. I occasionally pen little chastity stories as well; if my style suits your taste, feel free to check those out (assuming permission is granted). Please don’t hesitate to message or chat with me—I do talk a lot!:D
Warmly, muffin Oh, and “muffin” is the name she uses for my genitals while I’m locked up because they resemble a small muffin to her. So that has become my nickname.