Can you spot a difference between chastity as an element of T&D play versus treating T&D as part of broader chastity activities?
I bring this up because I don’t feel my wife and I are deeply into Chastity compared to how others seem to be. For us, it’s just one piece of our T&D dynamic and her-led marriage. We see it more about my wife deciding when I can cum rather than a test of endurance for long periods. She gets the most pleasure from sex when we climax together—it’s always been that way between us. My orgasm tends to trigger hers, which is exactly how she likes it. Of course, there are moments like during her massage where finishing feels good, or when she’s exhausted and just wants to cum so she can sleep better.
We don’t see the value in long-term chastity for our specific situation beyond a few days of T&D. I’ve always been attentive as a husband, both before and after climaxing. Plus, throughout our 41 years together, my wife never used sexual withholding as leverage or control over me. Some of our best sex happened during arguments!:) Being under female control has been a constant in my life at home and work, so Chastity doesn’t really add that dynamic; it’s already there.
In short, the main point of wearing the lock is to ensure I’m fresh when my wife wants me to cum with her, rather than having drained myself via masturbation all week or just before she decides we should have sex—a scenario that has happened too often in the past. We see a clear line between chastity being part of T&D play and it being an end goal itself. Personally, I prefer denying for 5-6 days then cumming, repeating this cycle with slight variations to keep me guessing, rather than going long-term. Longer periods don’t add much value for us. Sure, lasting a year without climaxing likely brings pride in achieving a personal milestone, but I’d take the regular orgasms; nothing beats them!:)
The boundary between Chastity and T&D often gets blurry. Where you see Chastity, there’s usually talk of T&D growing out of it. When T&D is discussed, Chastity comes up too. Yet I believe you can have one without the other: self-imposed chastity lacks active teasing/denial, while pure T&D (like what I did during BDSM sessions) focuses on teasing for a set time with the goal of finishing at the end, whether by myself or another person.
There’s also a common assumption that most men lose interest in their partners after sex due to lower energy. That hasn’t been my experience. Throughout my life, people who knew me noticed I was more energetic and happy after an orgasm than without one. My wife appreciated this heightened attentiveness as thanks for great sex. Many guys feel the same way I do, so I wonder if the common narrative is slightly exaggerated to suggest most men check out once they cum. It might be true for those not in loving, committed relationships, but my wife’s friends rarely complain about their husbands losing interest. In fact, her girlfriends often note how irritable and less attentive their partners become without regular orgasms. I think it works both ways depending on the individual; we just don’t know the exact percentages of men who react one way or the other.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Do you view Chastity as central to your sex life, or is it just another tool in your sexual toolkit? Would you classify yourself in the T&D camp or the Chastity camp? Do you feel any real benefit from extending orgasm denial past a certain point where diminishing returns set in?