Our path within the FLR landscape has developed over a number of years. It began as a kink on my side, and I foolishly hoped my wife would embrace it. Clearly, the truth was quite different from the fiction in my mind, and it seemed destined to fail for many reasons right from the start. My wife listened when I proposed chastity; having been largely vanilla herself, she had little interest but agreed to indulge me.
And so our journey began. The kink of wearing a device and enduring denial for an extended time was not shared by her. While I remained permanently aroused, she did not. Days turned into weeks, then months, and the chastity concepts I had read about were far from my lived experience. Looking back, I see that I was topping from the bottom, which led to a total breakdown in our continuity, and my wife ended the experiment.
So what went wrong? Many things. Primarily, I wasn’t ready for the loving submission that chastity demands. I also failed to fully grasp that my needs should have taken a back seat to hers. I didn’t realize that as part of being chaste, my personal sexual gratification shouldn’t play such a big role; instead, I let my frustrations boil over and constantly pestered her for activity. These were the recipe for failure.
Two years later, our relationship remained solid but lacked sexual activity. We had sex twice in twelve months, and I am sure my wife engaged out of obligation rather than enjoyment. I masturbated frequently to satisfy my base desires with her consent; she was likely just happy that I wasn’t bothering her much. It continued this way. In all other ways we lived a loving life, it was simply devoid of sexual contact. This might seem foreign to many people, but after 25 years of marriage, you get used to things. A lot of the spark faded; the appreciation I showed in our earlier relationship slipped away, and that helping hand around the house dwindled. After the children left home, we plateaued.
I reached a point—or rather, a realization—where I asked myself if my wife would enjoy sex with me as she is now. I looked at what I was contributing to our partnership: not much. I was inactive in the home, always tired, and resorting to self-pleasure. For me, once I had satisfied my own needs, I became less inclined to put out effort. Was my wife putting herself out? No, she wasn’t, yet I wasn’t giving her any real motivation to change her view of our sexual dynamic.
So on December 12, 2019, I chatted with my wife about it. I knew the idea of chastity might not interest her much, or maybe it would. I suggested that having sex every six months didn’t constitute a real relationship, nor did my self-gratification every few days. I proposed we reconsider how to mutually restore our sex lives. I am 60 and she is 55; for those who think people of this age don’t have desires, you are mistaken.
I offered her a proposition: I would stop masturbating and not orgasm unless she permitted it. She laughed, saying I wouldn’t last the week. Well, I did, so we revisited my proposal at the end of that week. At that point, I suggested a chastity device, somewhat nervously. She agreed, which astounded me, and she helped me choose three devices knowing we might not get the correct fit off-the-shelf immediately.
It took six weeks for the device to arrive, during which time I honored my commitment. My wife seemed intrigued as I became more attentive to her.
My wife insisted that I wear the device only at home, not outside. It was her call. I offered a condition: she would play by my rules provided I didn’t pester her with constant talk of chastity and she got to decide when to end the experiment. She agreed on the condition that I could pleasure her weekly. To my disbelief, she said yes.
Here we are nearly four months into this experiment. What has changed? I am committed to allowing my wife to withhold my orgasm for as long as she sees fit, provided I get to pleasure her weekly. I have accepted that her needs come before mine and am getting used to the idea. I don’t obsess over wearing a chastity device anymore; in fact, I hardly feel it now. I wear a Nano Steel device 24/7. My wife approves and likes knowing how restricted I am. There is no play or sexual stimulation for me at all. When I pleasure her, she doesn’t touch me sexually, and after she has her orgasm, she hugs me and falls asleep. I love that she is enjoying herself so much. My wife does less around the house now and chooses what she wants to do; I handle the rest. Again, for the sake of watching her climax, I will forego my own pleasure.
Tonight I asked my wife if she would like to end our experiment, and she said we could discuss it toward year-end. This isn’t just a kink as I once thought chastity was about; rather, it is a journey. It seems my wife is connecting with her body again. From two sexual interactions last year, she has now enjoyed 16 orgasms—four in the last week alone. She seems to be enjoying herself knowing that I won’t ask for sex or an orgasm myself. The pleasure I get from pleasuring her and watching her climax is intensely stimulating. Am I prepared to forego my own pleasure for hers? A resounding yes. Will I continue increasing my household workload? Yes, as long as my wife enjoys her pleasure. Will my view change? It might, but for now, I am coming to terms with my submission and surrender of pleasure to my wife. I like to believe that my wife is truly experiencing a revival of her own sexual pleasure and that I am making a meaningful contribution to her comfort. Is this a kink? No; there is no BDSM from either side, just a growing understanding of how pleasant this lifestyle can be. Thus our journey into the unknown continues.