Alright, perhaps the thread’s title doesn’t matter much to you, especially for those of us who have been around this community long enough. But personally? It matters a lot! I’ve made two main mistakes in how I use this site: 1) When I joined back in May 2017, I never posted an introduction; and 2) Instead of keeping one dedicated journal entry, my narrative has been scattered across various replies to other people. This thread is my chance to set things right.
My spouse and I are both older folks, mid-50s, living in separate places. It’s a mutual arrangement driven by my job location being different from our home base, as well as her preferences. After years of dealing with wildly mismatched libidos, the thought that her post-menopausal discomfort during intercourse had basically killed my sex life became too much to bear. I felt shortchanged and started hunting for answers. Somehow, I found this community, and it clicked. Over the past 21+ months, I’ve been reading up, doing research, testing out affordable cages, and self-locking. Meanwhile, over the last ten months, I’ve been trying to bring the subject up with my very vanilla wife.
Everything else in our relationship works well; she’s a wonderful partner when conditions are right—it’s just that things rarely line up perfectly. My hand has been my best friend for daily relief ever since I figured out what an orgasm was back in early adolescence. Last May, during a vacation, I opened up to her and actually used the phrase “male chastity.” I kept bringing it up repeatedly; she showed little interest and gave few responses. Eventually, I bought her a book and asked her to read it on her own time. We had some good conversation about it, and despite finding sex talk difficult, she started reading.
Recently, we were both staying in hotels in another city due to overlapping work trips. She posed a question: “Why do you want this? Can’t we just have more intercourse?” I explained the benefits for her, how it helps me focus on her needs and control my urge to take matters into my own hands, emphasizing that male chastity is highly adaptable. It could be as simple as pre-sex arousal or as elaborate and kinky as we decide, but honest communication is key. I also talked about the post-orgasm “drop” and the biology of how men react. Chastity isn’t just a quirky hobby.
She agreed to try it! I asked her to read past chapter one in that book. While she was showering, I locked myself up. Later in the car, I handed her the key. She understood its purpose right away. Soon after, we realized I’d made a silly mistake by bringing only one key; I would need it if I had to unlock briefly for airport security since my departure date lagged behind hers slightly. She took the key back, visibly anxious that losing it (or keeping it when we parted) might cause me issues or leave me vulnerable to some TSA embarrassment. Still, she was a willing keyholder, at least temporarily!
Before getting into that morning car ride, we had excellent sex, and she wanted more later that night. In bed, she felt my caged member and exclaimed, “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?!?” Absolutely. She asked me to unlock for now, so I did—having learned much from the community here. We continued having passionate sex, including intercourse, but I couldn quite reach climax. So we stopped. She suggested I lock up again, and I asked if I could wait until morning after my shower. She agreed.
She had to leave that morning, patting my erect member as she did so, asking if it would still be there while caged? I answered enthusiastically that yes, because the cage I settled on (after much trial and error) is just over an inch deep. She asked when I planned to lock up again, knowing we wouldn’t see each other for over a month. I admitted I wasn’t sure yet. Her reply: “You agreed to do it after your shower this morning! So this is basically just a game to you?” Gulp! I feel both scared and thrilled… Although I am technically on my own word, my goal is to give up masturbation for Lent—a period that holds deep personal significance—but the habit must go. Since my best locked-up record is only two weeks, I’m unsure if I can manage being 24/7 until we reunite; it falls to me to stay orgasm-free until then.
The job causing our separation is ending soon. In about a month or so, my wife will officially become my keyholder! This is SO MUCH BETTER than playing by myself while hoping she joins in… Wish me luck! — Ready to Giveitup