I’ve been contemplating starting a ‘journey’ style blog here for several days. I just haven’t been certain if I should, mostly because I don’t know if it will take off or if there’s genuinely interesting content to share. Regardless, I figured why not? Here we go.
A bit about me/us My wife and I have enjoyed a solid sex life, occasionally including threesomes. However, since having children, her libido has dropped significantly; those ‘horny hormones’ seemed to vanish during her first pregnancy.
For the past five years, it’s been mostly my own fantasies and masturbation on one side, with sex happening sporadically [which is always wonderful when it does]. Since intercourse became rare, I convinced myself that regular masturbation was necessary so I wouldn’t finish too quickly during actual sex [a concern that persists]. Some of this solo time has happened in bed right next to my wife. Occasionally she helps out (literally) with her hand or mouth, and sometimes she just watches.
A recent fantasy involves us returning to a threesome dynamic. Instead of me being the active participant as I was in our earlier years, the scenario starts with me naked, seated on a chair and restrained so I can’t touch myself. This soon evolves into me being caged while observing. I suppose this reflects my need for kinkier stimulation when masturbating.
Thinking about chastity/denial The idea of being caged led me to search Google for male chastity, where I found the community lol. In my initial site introduction, I noted that I’d been considering locking up while my wife and lover enjoyed themselves [though given the points above, this seems unlikely in the near future lol]. My original thoughts on caging leaned more toward kink.
Reading through various threads has sparked my interest in orgasm denial benefits. It’s a startling realization: there might be such a thing as too much masturbation!! Shocking! Who would have guessed? Not me!
Over these five years, since sex with my wife has been infrequent and unpredictable, I’ve had instances recently where I masturbated too close to our actual sexual encounters. On those occasions, I couldn’t reach an orgasm during intercourse with her. How counter-productive! At the time, however, I hadn’t learned about orgasm denial. Looking back now, if I had known then, perhaps it would have been a good moment to suggest needing a way to curb my urge to masturbate whenever I felt like it.
My wife is currently in the hospital for surgery and will need some recovery time. So this isn’t the ideal moment to bring these topics up with her. When we do talk, I suspect she’ll ask ‘What’s wrong with masturbating when you’re horny?’ or say ‘I don’t mind if you masturbate.’ She might also add, ‘For goodness’ sake, please just look after the kids.’
To answer the ‘what’s wrong with it?’ question, my response would center on increasingly fantasizing about threesomes again while I’m masturbating. I know she isn’t ready for that yet—and perhaps never will be—which is fine. But continuing to hold onto those fantasies during masturbation isn’t very helpful. So, putting those thoughts aside seems wise, and abstaining from masturbation might help achieve that.
I wonder if she’ll have any interest in stimulation, denial, edging, or ruining orgasms. I’m also unsure about her attitude toward me being caged (even just for a session) or acting as the key holder. At this point, I’m not entirely clear on what’s in it for her. I don’t want to burden her with tasks like scheduling ruined orgasms for my sake. Once we begin discussing it, an agreement of ‘just keep your hands off until we have a play date’ seems like a solid starting point to see how things evolve.
Starting out Currently, I am practicing denial without any devices and keeping it secret from my wife. The only thing ensuring my honesty is a ticker on the community showing the number of days since my last orgasm. I use this to track my ‘personal best’ (PB), updating the header as needed [for example, if my old PB was 13 days and the ticker hits 15, it might read ‘New personal best! Old PB was 13 days’].
So far, we are at day 12 without a urge to masturbate. Possible reasons for this lack of desire include focusing on my wife in hospital [she is well; initial recovery looks good] and managing the kids around the clock. My mind has been elsewhere. Additionally, I haven’t felt much interest in porn since deciding to go without masturbation [which happened before she went into hospital]. I’m not sure if that will change as horniness sets in later, but this might be the longest period of low libido I can recall (though I’ve never counted it before).
I’m considering that if I don’t masturbate and my wife isn’t involved in ruining orgasms or providing relief, wet dreams may occur—I haven’t had one in ages lol. I doubt I can trust myself to manage a ruined orgasm correctly on my own. I did perform a couple of them a few days after my previous release, but I think attempting another now would be risky lol.
Anyway, here is the beginning of my record. Diary so far
- 29 March 2016: Last orgasm
- 1 April 2016: Joined the community.
- 1 April 2016: Self-administered ruined orgasm (after figuring out what it was lol)
- 2 April 2016: Self-administered ruined orgasm
No other events to report. Even after enjoying some wine the other night, I didn’t feel the need to masturbate.