Chastity and orgasm denial discussion

I’ve shared quite a bit about my life across various forums, so I won’t dwell on every detail. My wife and I stepped back from kinky/BDSM activities several years ago when I fell into depression. Now that I’m recovering and we’re figuring out how to bring fun back into our routine, I proposed trying tease and denial/chastity play. She seemed thrilled because it made me more sexually active and attentive to her. She went on a week-long vacation without me. No issue there; my job just didn’t allow time off, so she traveled with family instead. When she returned, I brought up the topic again, and her exact response was: “This is a lot of work for me, and what’s in it for me?” Honestly, that answer really irritated me. Sure, I enjoy the play, but only because I suggested it to help us reintroduce fun into our sex life and intimacy. Yes, I have some interest too, and I understand both tops and bottoms need to enjoy themselves for the power exchange to work. Before she left, she said how happy we were to restart kink in our lives, yet now it feels like a total reversal. She actually mentioned wanting vanilla sex most of the time. Maybe that’s the catch-22. For denial to work, I need to be denied; same with chastity. I ordered a sleeve that fits over my penis, allowing her full pleasure while making it difficult for me to reach release. She liked the idea until she voiced this concern. The issue is: she complained about our lack of sex and kink connection. After discussing it, I thought we agreed on something fun, but then everything flipped again. To be honest, I’m at my wit’s end and might consider filing for separation. She rarely takes initiative or suggests what she wants beyond wanting me to be more sexually driven. I welcome all your thoughts.