I launched this as a reply to @Jasmic68 ‘s excellent Love and Denial discussion but realized it was growing too lengthy, so I didn’t want to take over that thread. Instead, I’ll create a separate one here. He had been discussing ways to enhance his oral technique with his wife, and I wanted to share my perspective… Let’s pause for a moment to review your observations on oral sex because I believe this is a widespread issue, and much of the advice available is poor. How often do I see nonsense like ‘trace the alphabet over her clit’? Ugh, what rubbish! Obviously, women’s preferences differ, as does their anatomy—larger clits, smaller ones, etc. So first priority is communication; stop assuming you know best and ASK HER!** Literally saying ‘tell me what feels good’ while you perform will allow her to take more control. However, here are my views based on personal experience and conversations with other women:
Help her relax and address her worries Many women worry about their attractiveness. Yes, we don’t discuss it much, but for some, it’s a major concern—as if breast size wasn’t enough already—labia anxiety can really spoil the mood. So, assure her that you love how her pussy looks. If she is self-conscious, she might doubt your sincerity at first, so keep praising her every time; eventually, it will sink in. We also worry about taste and odor. Again, don’t overdo it, but phrases like ‘God, I adore your taste’ or ‘Your scent drives me wild’ (scent sounds sexier than smell) are very comforting. Once we relax, the fun can start! If she isn’t bothered by these things, then perhaps you shouldn’t either (in my opinion). Some men seem to obsess over a woman’s taste too much; it gets strange. The bottom line: help her relax so she can enjoy herself.
Focus on what matters—her clit and her mind As Jas beautifully described in his thread, many of you spend excessive time doing things that don’t feel great. In my view, you’re often going about it in the wrong order. Many men spend ages licking around the labia, kissing, and nibbling when actually those areas aren’t our primary pleasure zones. If a woman has never had oral before, fine; it’s exciting. But if this is routine for you, the key is to get us highly aroused first AND THEN start with that other stuff. And what gets us aroused… mental engagement and clit stimulation.
I mention mind games because the action you can do before reaching the clit is to tease us intensely (unless we’re in a dominant ‘Get on me NOW’ mood). Start at our thighs or stomach, work your way up with kisses to our mound, build anticipation, hover over us with your mouth, make eye contact, etc. After that, don’t linger too long getting to the clits; it’s wasted effort better saved for later. As I mentioned, clits vary, but two main techniques work wonderfully in my experience: focused licking and sucking.
You do want to mix things up occasionally to keep the experience fresh. These include broad tongue licks from pussy to clit, suction on the labia, fingering, kisses, plus EYE CONTACT and smiles. However, these should serve as brief pauses while you focus primarily on her clits. The goal is to get us incredibly close to climaxing; THEN you can do some of that other stuff because when we are highly aroused, everything feels wonderful.
Okay, let’s look at those two techniques. Concentrated clit licking: first through the hood and then as arousal increases, either her clit becomes more exposed naturally or you can use your fingers to gently pull it back. You want your face pressed firmly against hers, mouth open wide, lips encircling the mound, tongue pointed out. Use that soft, wonderful part of your tongue to create firm circles around the clit or move up and down on it. Essentially, use it like a finger during masturbation—it’s quite firm. Yes, this tiring work requires building stamina over time. The clever trick is that the second technique tires the tongue less, so you can alternate between them. That is clit sucking. For this, place your lips more tightly around her clit and gently pull back so the clit draws slightly into your mouth. This feels nice. What works great is flicking it with your tongue while suctioning. I asked my husband to describe his method: he does little pulls AS each time his tongue flicks, like drinking through a straw—you draw the tongue in slightly to create suction but move the tip over the clit as you do (that’s the best description I could get… sorry!). These are mixed with stronger sucks sometimes held longer. But don’t suck on it like a lollipop; avoid going overboard. To me, that sucking-flick motion builds pleasure, then he pushes out his tongue for concentrated licking, and it feels like each time releases the tension. It’s amazing. The point is to find very clit-focused techniques and stick with them, taking only minor breaks to catch your breath without making it monotonous. Because as we near climax EVERYTHING starts feeling wonderful; that’s when you can take longer pauses to kiss and lick labia, come up to suck nipples (just make sure you return quickly!), finger our wet openings, or rub/lick bottoms if she likes it. My husband plays a game with me to help me be more assertive. He won’t push me over the edge until I tell him to, and he can keep me on the brink forever; it’s wickedly effective. So yes, whether explicitly or as an unspoken goal, you could try making her so excited and needy that she commands you to make her cum. Very hot. We differ slightly here: once I’ve crossed the edge, I’m too sensitive for super intense clit stimulation immediately. See what works for her, but concentrated licking through the hood is what helps us maintain the orgasm without spoiling it from over-stimulation.
Other small tips: Make noise—some moans of pleasure as we both get into it are very attractive. Don’t overdo it, and no, we don’t mind if you’re faking (and do we care when they fake us? No…) Fingers—at the right moment, pushing one or two fingers inside to stimulate the G-spot can feel amazing, but you don’t need to do it every time. When I’m feeling naughty, I like him putting a finger in my bottom… just saying. But crucially here, I only want this when I am very close to cumming and all inhibitions are gone. It might be that she simply wants or needs a quick session; if so, skip most of the above and use your mouth to take her over the edge quickly, perhaps giving her a second orgasm too. I hope this helps. Please ask any questions my way or add your own tips and experiences! Jane xxx