My last lock-up was nearly two years back. I think it ended in June 2014, which felt great. But we paused things at the time because that’s what we’d agreed on. I expected a break of just a few months, but life has a habit of shifting gears.
Both my girlfriend and I have been leading hectic lives with new jobs and fresh stresses. She began taking a new prescription last year to help manage her depression and anxiety, which is wonderful because I love her deeply and want her healthy rather than anxious.
However, the side effect we both spotted was a decline in libido.
To be honest, it wasn’t entirely on her. I noticed my own libido drop significantly. It felt almost as if after that previous lock-up… with my libido left to its usual unlocked, vanilla existence and regular masturbation… it had fallen even lower than before we started this journey. I’m not fully convinced chastity broke me, but I do notice that now when I masturbate—about two or three times a week—it’s far less frequent than the nearly daily habit from several years ago. (Some might argue that’s just because I’m entering my ‘late’ 40s; I’m still in denial about aging).
With our busy schedules, and her living with me roughly 60% of the time (sometimes more), we suddenly realized over a month had passed with zero sex between us. We were still close, though. It wasn’t as if either was secretly seeking elsewhere; it was just that terrible blend of age, stress, medication, and bad timing.
I started feeling guilty about masturbating because I felt like I ought to wait at least a day or so. Perhaps if I was more aroused, we might end up together. We spent three solid weekends cooped up in the apartment with barely any sex—mostly just playing video games (and ironically, each of us on our own separate screens).
Meanwhile, I really missed being locked. It’s not merely about abstaining from cumming for a week; it’s about her holding control. For her part, her total disinterest in sex made her nervous about engaging in any Dom/sub dynamics.
So last weekend, I found myself suddenly very horny—horny enough to embrace my submissive side. Given my hectic work schedule, I realized I hadn’t masturbated in at least five or six days. That mental state reminded me of how it feels after being locked for that duration.
She could see I was turned on; I woke up next to her quite engorged. Yet she seemed anxious about sex because she worried her libido had vanished, and she feared denying me affection. She loves intimacy and sex but the medication makes her feel less inclined, or perhaps she worries she won’t climax at all.
But my horniness was strong enough that I admitted to her: her lack of sexual interest in me is actually kind of a turn-on for me. I asked if she’d be okay teasing me and making me wait until she’s ready.
After some discussion, she agreed. I would stay ready while waiting for her.
For the next few days, I held back ejaculation, but the whole situation turned me on so much that I couldn’t stop edging. By Wednesday night, she had to visit her mother overnight, and I was too embarrassed to admit I hadn’t slept all night because I kept browsing Tumblr and reading stories.
But what worried me more… is that while she knows she wants me locked again, the prospect of her “dominating” me under these circumstances stresses her out. We agreed I should re-lock myself. She returned Friday evening. I found my old steel cage, but it seems after almost two years neither of us remembered which programmable combination lock in the realtor’s box held the preferred key and padlock for this specific setup.
We have dozens of tiny locks we use for cuffs and collars, but for safety reasons, I keep them all identically keyed. So we really wanted that “Special” padlock (which also looked nicer) because it only had two keys: one she keeps on her person, and the other locked inside the realtor’s box where only she knows the combination.
It got late, and she fell asleep before I finished setting everything up. From experience, putting these things back on—especially after a long break—isn’t particularly erotic; it takes me several attempts to get my balls through the steel loop. I swear I used the smallest loop last time, but after failing with that one, I switched to the larger loop (my testicles aren’t used to being stressed anymore). She woke up later—after I’d climbed into bed—and reached down between my legs to check me. She was pleased I had just put it on.
She said having me locked feels like a relief for her, as if she doesn’t have to worry about sex at all. She feels empowered and excited.
We talked more, but I could tell she remained worried. Last time, my lock-up gave her sexual excitement too. This time, though, I sensed nervousness in knowing what I want, or not knowing what she wants ourselves have become immediately more intimate when she is here; I can’t keep my hands off her. When she isn’t there, I constantly think of her. But I believe she worries about satisfying my needs without a guarantee that it will spark sexual excitement for her too.
She has gone back to her mother’s for Easter weekend (returning tomorrow). In the meantime, I started reading as much as possible. However, in my overzealous, horny state, I mentioned things I’d seen online, and I could immediately tell she felt a bit overwhelmed, which made me concerned about this big experiment we are undertaking.
Last night, I began reading … B008F82SKE because it claimed to offer tips on how women can derive pleasure from having a slave who isn’t even sexually involved. While the book has its flaws, it emphasized that for women… they should feel entitled to enjoy Vanilla pleasures. He defines three features of such a relationship: Authority, Vanilla, and Exploitation. Women should insist their slaves perform services that may have no kink at all (hence Vanilla), which might not even be sexual. Because women’s needs differ, they should direct their slaves toward actions that please them specifically: “Room Service,” “Party.” While the “domina” enjoys attention and freedom from chores, the slave experiences genuine service and submission—not some fantasy of submission portrayed on porn sites, but something simpler, sweeter, and authentic.
This morning, I confessed to my princess that I had spent the entire morning reading the book and described its rules: how the majority of emphasis should be on service and pampering. Being a good slave is paramount. And in the beginning, the “domina” should focus wholly on the slave doing things to please her. Only a small fraction of time needs to be sexual at all. And when it happens… it should primarily serve HER pleasure. This could include scenarios like.. the domina simply falling asleep after sex, leaving her slave still locked and frustrated.
An idea she truly loves. I immediately saw something snap into place for her. She was quick to start assigning me tasks. We agreed to try structuring our nights together more closely, focusing on my taking care of her and managing the apartment. I will get a daily “timeout”… where I am locked and waiting for her. This gives her some alone time to help transition into this dynamic as well.
She plans to add rules and structure gradually as she desires. She is excited about being pampered and feeling intimate. She eventually intends to fuck me. In many ways… the whole psychological pressure around her libido and w
Worrying about whether I’ll be satisfied is gone. Right now, she doesn’t even need to worry about which kinks or pleasures appeal to me. I told her that this would satisfy me on an even deeper level. The main focus right now is on taking care of her and pleasing her. Suddenly… it feels like things are starting to click at a deeper level. I still have quite a bit of anxiety regarding how everything will work out. I can see clearly that I am WAY ahead of her in the “enthusiasm” department (since I’m now approaching two weeks without an orgasm). I know she needs to step into this space at her own pace, and it’s my job to remain patient and submissive. But I have to find ways to slow down myself. My entire body feels a charge that hasn’t been there for ages. It is hard to concentrate on work (I am supposed to be sitting here working right now… ). Tomorrow night marks the first time she wants total control over me for the evening. I’m sure I’ll get home from work early, take a shower, and wait.