I am certainly not complaining; I’m receiving exactly what I wanted regarding her taking charge of our sex life and enforcing brutal honesty. That said, does anyone else feel anxious about the future? She might tell me that letting me cum isn’t something she feels she needs to do anymore. She could say a full orgasm is now in the past. She may state there’s no need for her to let me inside again. She might declare that removing the cage (aside from occasional checkups) won’t happen either. Or perhaps we’ll face a long period where I stay caged or orgasm-free, maybe around a year before she discusses it further. I am very fortunate. @Mistress Amanté is still willing to grant me orgasms and let me enter her when she honestly experiences more intense ones with toys and fingers. Her allowing either of these things is strictly for my benefit, not hers. Still, I wonder how long that will last. Truly giving up control can be scary, especially after a bit of lock up time. It makes you realize you might never use it again if she so chooses.
I have been on holiday, traveling over 2000 miles, and unlocked for safety reasons since June 2nd. I haven't been allowed to cum—no teasing, no edging—and my Keyholder hasn't even so much as touched her property the whole time; she didn't even acknowledge that I had one. It isn’t about being afraid of the future; this is what I gave to my Keyholder/Wife to control as she pleased. I am thankful whenever I am allowed to cum in whatever manner she wishes. This doesn’t mean that I don’t wish to have orgasms, just that they are no longer mine to control. Only she has the final say on when, where and how I am allowed to achieve one. That doesn’t make it scary; only exciting and something to look forward towards. We have just arrived home and I am prepared to be locked up at any moment. Whether she will allow me to cum before she locks me up is an eagerness that I hope will accrue; this is anticipation for the future. If it is in the books, so much better for me. If not, I will then just wait and hope that in future days as we wind down from our trip, she will at least tease me. There's always something to look forward to, nothing to be afraid of.
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