A great deal has occurred in the last five years; I remember some of it, while other parts have faded. To put a long tale into brief terms, Master and I are rediscovering our D/dynamic after taking a two-year break. During that time, I lost not only my interest in kink but also all desire for sex, which was hard on Master.
Master became convinced that I no longer had sexual interest in him. This belief, combined with his high libido, created some tense moments. The reality, however, is that I simply didn’t want to have sex at all, perhaps once a week if anything.
Recently, I discovered my testosterone levels are low, which might explain the past two years and even earlier periods when all I wanted was to cross-dress and be a sissy. Without over-analyzing it, low testosterone must have affected me.
Now that I find myself interested in sex again, we’ve started bringing some kink into our bedroom routine. For the most part, this means me being Master’s sexual submissive. After such a long dry spell, I’m more than happy to ensure he gets his sexual needs met. When I am less willing, it doesn’t take much for him to get me to do what is expected.
I’m not quite as much of a slave anymore, and we don’t have such rigid roles outside the bedroom either; we’ve dropped our titles when addressing each other, and calling Master “sir” inside the bedroom is now considered incorrect. I only use “Master” in my writing to maintain some anonymity because it’s become habit.
Anyway… since we started exploring kink again, Master has been thoroughly enjoying teasing me until I’m distracted and keeping me denied. This happens except for the occasional ruined orgasm or when he lets me cum for his pleasure, specifically when he wants me to fuck him. The combination of Master’s total control and how hot he looks in dom mode makes everything feel even more frustrating.
This creates a bit of a dilemma because I am kept horny, yet I don’t want to ruin things by giving in and climaxing if it all becomes too much. So, now I feel like wearing a chastity device again, with the CB-6000 being the natural and affordable choice.
However, there is an ongoing issue with the CB that started some time ago. I’m almost embarrassed to admit this here on the blog, though those who know me already do. About five years ago, my predisposition to health-related anxiety turned into an irrational fear of wearing a CB device because I convinced myself that the tight-fitting ring combined with frequent erections would cause a blood clot, which might then travel to my heart (ridiculous as it sounds).
Thus began four years of crushing arm and chest pains mixed with panic attacks for no reason other than being anxious. It took long-term medication along with CBT (not the fun kind) cognitive behavioral therapy to overcome this anxiety. The anxiety wasn’t caused by the CB itself, but it was a catalyst that manifested into a fear building up due to stresses in my own life.
So now… I’d like to wear a CB again not just so I can’t pleasure myself (accidentally), but because when I was locked up before, I did enjoy it. A steel belt would be the obvious solution, but I don’t currently have £500-600 for one. So there lies the dilemma: given that I can now control my anxiety (you are never fully cured of it), should I take a chance and buy a CB6000 or leave it alone and just hope to control myself?
Only smarties know the answer.
