Chastity and orgasm denial discussion

I spent the past week in Florida on holiday with my Fiancée and her relatives. Because of the tight spaces and constantly going into and out of the pool and ocean, we opted to unlock me for those seven days. However, combined with being free from restraints all that time, enjoying vacation with her family, and not really being in a submissive headspace, I didn’t feel like getting locked up again when we returned. We were both pretty exhausted upon our arrival, she forgot to bring out my cage, and naturally, wanting it off at the moment, I stayed quiet about it too. After she went to sleep, I started browsing Tumblr, which quickly made me get hard. With my self-control practically nonexistent, I ended up giving myself an orgasm. This morning, she asked if I had touched him last night, so I admitted that I had. She gave me a spank (nothing harsh) and declared the cage was going back on for three days without fail. Most people here would call this very mild, as do I, but I’m not complaining. Here is my current dilemma: lately, I’ve been having trouble acting submissive even though I’m expected to be both in and out of the bedroom. She’s new to chastity or any D/s or FLR dynamic (as I may have mentioned before), and I’ve been obstinate and defiant to see if she’ll push back and become more dominant. I know this isn’t very nice, nor does it make me a good submissive partner—that’s what we both want—but the problem is that while being submissive in bed is easy, everyday life brings out my stereotypical “man” side more often than she deserves. Although I treat her well and love her deeply, I could definitely improve. Does anyone else struggle with not wanting to be submissive even when you know it’s what you both truly want?