I chose to articulate the emotions and feelings I experience while being kept in long term chastity. Since most of you are strangers, let me share that I have lived as a sissy and cuckold, with full time chastity, since 2003. Initially, it was more like a game, but as many of you know, that game can evolve into a genuine lifestyle. Even back in 2003 when I first donned the CB3000, the sensation of being unable to touch myself felt overwhelming. Once you realize you have no say over when or how long it lasts…it intensifies even further. What’s remarkable is that this intensity remains just as strong for me today.
I describe long term chastity as “delicious torture.” It is delicious because the sensation is unique, and for those with similar tastes, it becomes addictive. Yet it is also torture; although your cock is locked away and untouchable, it constantly shifts within its cage, hardening and softening, always pressing against you to remind you that control has slipped away. Many call this the delicious part, and I agree.
The most challenging time of day for me is showering. I operate on an honor system and made a vow years ago never to touch myself inappropriately even when unlocked—a promise I have kept to this day. I use a scrubbie to cleanse my clit, rinse with the detachable shower head (wow, that feels wonderful, lol), and as soon as I dry off, the device goes back on. Temptation arises often, but I haven’t cheated. After all, what is chastity and a promise worth if they aren’t honored?
Since December 2014, I am not even permitted to cum like a man. Before that, I might masturbate a few times annually, usually on the feet of my Mistress, then licking it off. However, many of her previous lovers wanted her to cut me off from intercourse entirely, which she did ages ago, leading to demands that I never cum again. When she saw me use an Aneros toy to achieve orgasm in 2013, she remarked, “Well, you really don’t need to ever touch your cock again.” Then came one final instance: as a Christmas gift in 2014, she sat on my semi-hard cock, and I cummed within about thirty seconds. She asked, “Is there truly any reason for you to use your cock like a man ever again?” I had to agree there wasn’t. So now, if I am good, I get to cum via my Aneros perhaps once a month.
How many of you have reached the point where you don’t even want to cum that way? You might still be able to, but it would feel like such a disappointment that you barely desire it. I’m sure there are many among us who share this feeling.
The other night, sitting in my chair, that familiar sensation washed over me entirely. It was a dull, beautiful ache starting at my hip bones on both sides and traveling down to my locked cock. It resembled the pre-orgasm build-up but didn’t stop or fade away. It felt like I was about to cum yet couldn’t quite do so. I nearly screamed aloud but stayed seated, grinding my hips. Eventually, I stood up, went to the bedroom where my Mistress was, and threw myself at her feet, begging permission to please her. This diversion helped, though she wasn’t in the mood because her lover had left earlier and she was tired.
She told me to clean the upstairs guest bathroom while naked, hoping it would distract me. Ironically, it made things worse. Kneeling on the floor behind the toilet, I felt increasingly pathetic yet aroused by that very pity. Then Mistress came in and praised my good sissy behavior, which only deepened my predicament. I asked if I could use my Aneros; she replied that I was still over two weeks away from earning that pleasure.
The intensity persisted throughout the evening. My loins burned. I even retreated to my sissy bedroom and fingered myself for a while. It felt incredible but worsened my situation. I woke up several times, rigid in my cage, sleeping restlessly.
I have never experienced such power. People ask me, “How can you stand not touching yourself yet cumming?” They think I’m mad, but anyone who has endured long term chastity knows exactly how it feels.
I want to cum, but I don’t want to. I desire to touch myself, but not only am I unable to, I refuse even if I could. Sometimes I wish to scream due to the sheer intensity of being locked and owned, yet simultaneously, there is nothing else in my life I crave more. Chastity defines who I am, what I am, and I cherish every second.