I’ve been watching from the sidelines for quite some time - my husband brought me here years back. I felt it was about high time to share what’s on my mind.
My upbringing was in a very traditional home. Sex wasn’t really talked about, and my parents didn’t display much affection openly. Their marriage has stood strong for over half a century though, so I don’t think their way of relating is wrong at all. Just giving this context.
Before I tied the knot with my husband, I dated around quite a bit and lived with several different men, so I’m not old-fashioned in any sense, but neither am I particularly daring.
My spouse and I wed when we were both early thirties, and we had - as I saw it - a perfectly decent sex life. We would mess about once in a while - typically weekly, though not strictly always. He is fine sexually, and since I love him, I have never really complained.
Apparently that contentment wasn’t shared equally. Five years into our marriage, he caught me in the bedroom, handed me a handwritten note, and lay down on the bed. He had just returned from a business trip, so I was quite startled - assuming he was revealing some hidden truth like an extramarital affair.
Well … it was a secret, but not an infidelity.
I read the letter while he spoke about how he wished to serve me and be my slave. He mentioned buying a chastity device which he was currently wearing (the key was taped inside the envelope) and expressed his desire for me to “take charge.” I can’t quite explain why, but tears started flowing immediately without stopping. He kept talking, though I don’t remember exactly what words came out.
My mind raced with thoughts of my own shortcomings: how I had been a poor partner in bed, that he no longer desired intercourse with me, and that he didn’t find me attractive anymore - all the negative worries piled up. I couldn’t even utter a word as I fled the room weeping.
After a while, he found me again and apologized for the dramatic letter delivery, clarifying his intent wasn’t to upset me. He spoke sweetly and romantically about how much he loved me and insisted this change was meant to bring joy, not sorrow. He admitted feeling like an oddity for bringing it up and felt foolish himself. Not wanting him to feel so awkward, we began chatting, and I remarked that perhaps I was the strange one since I hadn’t provided enough sex, prompting his extreme reaction.
He clarified he was happy with our frequency of intercourse but believed the issue lay in whether I was fully satisfied. He wanted us to prioritize my pleasure for a while, believing this focus would benefit us both.
I asked for some time to process this sudden news that felt like it had hit me hard. He agreed and suggested we go out for dinner the next evening to discuss further. I said yes, and after he went to shower, I put his letter and key away in my personal files.
More later.