I am launching this journal to help process the emotions I haven’t quite made peace with yet. Part of me seeks answers, while another part accepts that some things simply exist as they are. So far, I feel very at home here. The small secrets and games shared between my puppy and myself aren’t unique; reading through other posts has shown me this, which is reassuring.
I refer to him as my “sub” puppy, and naturally, he calls me Mistress. We have more affectionate nicknames for each other now that our relationship is growing, but these two titles appear most often. Our meeting was accidental, starting as a wholesome friendship with the understanding that romance wasn’t likely since we live in different countries. Being pen pals just fit perfectly. Honesty and openness came naturally, along with some discretion.
I fell for this man easily. Even without seeing his face or hearing his voice, I knew right away he was my match. The pull between us is hard to describe; he seems the most beautiful person I have ever known. Fortunately, he felt it too. We are planning a shared life, but until then, we make daily efforts to stay connected through calls, chats, and emails. We’ve become inseparable.
Here is where our dynamic shifted from standard to something more distinct. Our love is intense, unlike anything either of us has known before. We see each other clearly—life is imperfect, as are people. In my messages, he began declaring his devotion and subtly hinting at a desire to worship me. It was flattering and poetic, but also quite foreign. I have always been sexually assertive (though somewhat shy) and an Alpha Female type; past relationships expected me to be more subservient and submissive. Conversely, in his previous partnerships, he has usually been the Alpha Male—domestic yet leader-like.
I was hesitant and slightly uneasy about adopting the role of adored Goddess, but I realized his feelings stemmed from that deep love for me. As his affection grew, it encouraged me to be confident, strong, powerful, and “Mistressy” as he puts it. We were both finding our footing. Meanwhile, our sexual interactions began changing tone. Instead of the usual phone sex where I dictate what happens, one day he asked about a former lover. The resulting orgasms were incredible. Soon, every new encounter included a story about me and that past partner. It didn’t take long to move from stories to cuckold fantasies; it felt natural for both of us. Afterward, we would laugh at our little games and reassure each other that this wouldn’t become the norm. Eventually, we started discussing it casually outside of passion’s heat. That is when I panicked.
The more I pondered it, the harder it was to grasp what was happening between us. We are deeply in love, planning a conventional future, yet every night during intimacy, he tells me how he will sit at the bedside watching me get fucked while saying he can’t wait to see another cock enter and exit me. Are we serious? I don’t know. Was I being serious? Was he? This goes against traditional sexual norms. Plus, both of us have been cheated on in past relationships, so why are we considering this now? Not to mention, he plans to kneel before me, kiss my feet, and become my puppet, slave, toy—all while asking if this is what I will do with the man who completes my soul. To be continued… ~Mistress BelleNouvelle