I made a promise to my KH that I would share this journal here, and I aim to keep it up-to-date.
My Journal January 17th, 2011 To make sense of where we are now, let me backtrack slightly. For those unaware, I am quite the kinky individual. My KH isn’t prude-ish, but she doesn’t have that constant drive for sex like I do. I suspect many women share her temperament. She certainly enjoys intimacy, but it isn’t always on her mind from morning to night. When the mood strikes, however, she is undeniably sensual and sexual.
My interests span a smoking fetish, cross-dressing, some pain, humiliation, cuckolding, swinging, and general sex. While I am genuinely bisexual, my heart leans heavily toward women. My attractions to men are real but less frequent, usually surfacing when I’m dressed in female attire. I’ve never had same-sex relations without KH present, and while I don’t dive into the rougher aspects of kink, others might consider me quite “nasty” if they know how to look.
Since this journal focuses on my chastity and orgasm denial, it’s worth noting how interested KH is in our lifestyle. We agree that I think about my cock too much—not just thinking about it, but having a strong urge for masturbation. Honestly, I love cumming. I love touching myself. With the right erotic story or some self-administered hand jobs, I can get off quite well on my own. If you do this often enough, it becomes second nature. I’ve managed to reach climax multiple times in a single day before.
KH loves a hard cock. When I’m caught up in self-gratification, however, I struggle to be present for her… and that is where the tension begins.
The CB 6000 was ordered and arrived sooner than expected. We started drafting a contract outlining my total submission (posted here on the forum). The first week was spent testing the fit and pushing boundaries. What would the sensation of being locked up feel like? Could I escape if needed? How long could I go without touching myself? Would she still desire me? Perhaps even more than before? And what about her exploring with a boyfriend? The questions were endless, but the core realization was that I might become more available to her and seen in a new light. My desire for her grew stronger, subject entirely to her discretion.
The initial fitting went smoothly enough. There was one moment in the hot tub when I tried to slip out; I did escape momentarily, but the pain returned sharply—it wasn’t for the faint-hearted. Getting the shaft out is simple, but explaining why your device hangs loosely from your balls? That’s harder. So, I squeezed them back through the ring. My balls ached for days before I switched to a smaller ring size. I wouldn’t dare repeat that ordeal so soon.
Being new to this and eager to please my KH, I doubt I’ll try escaping again anytime soon. Actually, I don’t really want to. Even being unlocked doesn’t bother me right now; though it likely will change eventually, today I am content exactly where I am. During the first lock-up, I kept the spare key in my pocket and never once considered using it because I wanted to please her.
KH went away for the weekend when our contract was set to be signed. She returned on Saturday, giving me free rein for Friday night. By Sunday evening, I knew my lifestyle would change forever. Her parting instruction was simple: “Live it up.” She even bought me a pack of Virginia Slims menthol lights—my favorite.
I told her I planned to dress as Nicole and host a guy over. She just shrugged and said, “OK, have fun.” I knew she probably didn’t want that, but since the idea was there, I pursued it. After work, I dressed myself up as best I could, feeling quite handsome with my guest lined up.
As expected, he stood me up—a no-show. Surprisingly, this felt revitalizing because at least I was willing to go through with it (though KH might have preferred otherwise). Since I’d put in the effort to look good, I didn’t want that wasted. So, I set up my webcam and broadcast a small show online.
It felt wonderful seeing men get aroused by me and watching them climax just from observing my performance. I felt validated. Most of Friday night was spent turning guys on. The next day, while still dressed up, I masturbated repeatedly—probably six or seven times. My cock ended up quite sore.
Sunday evening arrived for the contract signing. After some discussion, we both signed. I wanted one last session before being locked away but was denied. Still, I signed anyway. The thought of never masturbating to orgasm again felt surreal. She wanted sex; I wanted my j/o moment. It took effort to get hard, and I even popped a pill for help.
She wasn’t thrilled with the struggle and insisted I put on the cage immediately. Ouch—getting erect in it is painful at that stage. The game truly began… though I’m not entirely sure we did have sex that night; if we did, I accidentally came inside her. According to our contract, this means I must clean up my mess (the “worthless goo,” as one might say). She forgot about the cleanup rule, which actually stung a little emotionally because it showed she wasn’t paying close attention—but relief washed over me since I didn’t have to go down there and do it myself. Forgetting seems difficult; perhaps it’s the hardest part of all this. Sometimes I worry I’ll be forgotten entirely, left to rot in my cage.
Monday passed easily enough, as did Tuesday. My duty was oral service for her. I love making her cum with my tongue. Wednesday went without issue.
On Friday, she took time to inspect “her property.” She wasn’t satisfied with a few spots on my cock and decided it was best if I went free again temporarily. I felt empty… disheveled. I thought I could last longer, but she disagreed. Sensing my attitude, she visited me for lunch. She brought the cage to work and had me put it back on immediately.
I felt normal again instantly. Strange feeling indeed.
That Friday night, we went to a concert in Reno. This time, being set free felt correct. We got a hotel room and had sex. Her orgasm was powerful enough that it nearly pushed me over the edge. She warned me not to cum. I can’t believe I actually held back my own release! I know I leaked slightly, but no full climax. That night, I went to sleep tired but happy. I felt good about satisfying KH and enjoying the concert immensely.
It felt right not to cum afterward; I was very proud of myself for holding out. With that said, I now look forward eagerly to a massive orgasm once my loving KH permits it.