About me I’m in my early 40’s and married. My wife has been my sole sexual partner, with our first encounter occurring when I was mid-30s. Until then, significant untreated anxiety plagued me. A severe skin condition from childhood is now controlled but remains a major driver of that anxiety. I am moderately overweight, taking SSRIs, and have relied mostly on pornography for sexual pleasure throughout most of my life. This has led to some sexual dysfunction with an unclear cause; while SSRIs are known to lower libido, my understanding of sex is largely shaped by porn consumption. Certain types work well, but there’s plenty of time when I can’t get it up despite being aroused.
My earliest erotic memories involve reading my dad’s Gor novels around age 14. They left a deep impression and formed the foundation of my sexual interests. As a child undergoing treatment for my skin condition, affected areas were often wrapped in plastic wrap after applying ointments. This sparked an interest in BDSM generally, self-bondage, and plastic wrap mummification. I liked the idea of being bound; since my inspiration came from the Gor novels, I pictured myself taking the female role. I believe this is what initiated my interest in anal play too. I recall a long cooking spoon with a tapered Bakelite handle, over half an inch thick, which worked well for experimentation. While visualizing myself getting fucked like a woman, I didn’t want to become one; rather, I saw myself being treated as female by men.
More later…