“For as long as I can remember, I was permitted to unlock during family events or when hanging out with friends. I didn’t want to feel sexually aroused in those situations and risk having my cage noticed. Eventually we found a gauge that actually reduced the bulk in my pants, so I could wear it 24/7 (though I take off just the cage part to urinate and wash), and I began getting used to wearing it every day. Over time, chastity became less of an arousal trigger as I accepted it as my new normal. Then I stopped being so self-conscious in public or at gatherings. Eventually we took our commitment more seriously, prohibiting PIV sex or erections entirely. Sex with my wife involves a strap-on that I wear (we had one attempt using the original parts after 13 months, then returned to the harness), and I remain locked for it all. Since my wife dislikes semen, I learned decades ago not to need an orgasm to enjoy intercourse. Kink activities with my keyholder, which used to allow me to be unlocked, are now always engaged (except a few times each year when she wants to torment my parts—she is quite the sadist). No more erections around either of them. This step terrified me. I am over 50 and have been with one woman for over 30 years, while being close friends with another for about 15 years. This is long-term commitment, and I had agreed to it! That was really difficult because I felt very self-conscious around other men or friends who knew I no longer engaged in conventional sex, or even that my organ could still do so. I worried they would somehow sense it, or that some obvious change in my demeanor might give me away. It took a long time to come to terms with this. There was plenty of support from my keyholder as she guided me into becoming what she needed: a kink partner and servant. We started by her not wanting a kink partner masturbating, but ended up with her loving the control over everything and the changes in me brought on by strict chastity and denial. Each step is a big leap of faith, and each hurdle seems manageable by accepting the rules and learning to be less crazy-horny and more kink-minded about it all. The right cage for me. The right way to wear it. Accepting emasculation as my new normal. Learning not to feel like I am any less of a man for lacking PIV sex, boners, or orgasms. What were/are your biggest hurdles? How did you overcome them?
> Finn-egan said: > We ended up with her loving the control of it all, and the changes in me with strict chastity and denial. [... ] Accepting emasculation as a new normal. Learning to not feel less of a guy for not having PIV sex, or boners, or getting off. > Click to expand... @Finn-egan, long ago I wrote what became one of my most popular posts, describing that being locked up is not an act of emasculation, but rather *harnessing* all that masculine energy. > She wants to ensure I’m ready for those moments when *she* desires it, and she wants my manly energy tightly controlled so she can direct it as she sees fit. She wants my testosterone flowing and knows that keeping me sexually edgy offers her many benefits, whether or not she chooses to unlock the cage. No, Mrs. Edge doesn’t want me locked up because I’m worthless, but because I am *valuable*. And that makes me feel very special indeed. > Click to expand... When I wrote that piece, we still did somewhat regular unlockings, but as we move toward a more permanent arrangement, those feelings haven’t changed much. I’m usually still randy, and Mrs. Edge continues to love the attention, loving the knowledge that she has it harnessed. When I put on my harness, I still engage with her energetically because I derive great manly satisfaction from making her reach climax until she is satisfied. The way to avoid feeling emasculated is to *own* that kink. You don’t have to proudly parade it around, but if you’re accidentally discovered, instead of hanging your head in shame, simply explain: "After 30 years, my wife and I are just trying new things to keep the spark alive." You don't need to go into detail. Most guys over 50 will be envious of how often you manage to have sex.
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