Hello, My husband and I have been trying to get into chastity for years. Anxiety and expectation have always kept me from truly enjoying it. Sure, there were fun moments, but mostly I ended up stressed trying to meet my husband’s expectations. Today was the breaking point: I told him that this hasn’t been enjoyable for a long time. He was devastated. He feels he 100% needs this in his life and if I can’t provide it, we might have to part ways. He believes I’ve suppressed these feelings too long, turning something beautiful into something awful. I realize I should have addressed this sooner. He asked me to find a way to make it positive. How do I shift my mindset? What am I missing? I know it should be great for me, but that understanding hasn’t quite stuck yet. Writing here for some perspective. Thanks
My wife and I are new to this lifestyle as well. We're now settling into a routine with the pressure off. Previously, I was continually topping from the bottom, which was very stressful for her and led to frequent arguments. What we did was create a dice game using Dungeons & Dragons dice, where each die represented a different requirement: - The 4-sided die determines how many times a day I have to edge. - The 12-sided die shows how many days until the next roll. - The 6-sided die indicates how many sexual-related challenges I must complete within that number of days. - The 8-sided die tells me which sex toy to use. - One 10-sided die defines the position for it. - The other 10-sided die (00-90) shows how many minutes I have to hold that position. - And the 20-sided die determines how many spankings I receive if I fail my task. There's more to it, but this is where we started. It took a great deal of pressure off her shoulders and keeps me very busy until we can build out the rest of our lifestyle. Not sure if this helps you any, but my wife is much less stressed now.
> NewMiss said: > He believes that I have held in these feelings for too long and turned something beautiful into something awful. I have held in my feelings and should have addressed this much sooner. > Click to expand... His chastity should not be about getting his needs fulfilled, but rather him fulfilling your needs. That's my opinion.
This is so tragic to read. You sound completely frustrated, stressed, and at your wit's end. There really is only one thing I might say to help: Please forget about your husband's expectations. I don't know what they are or exactly what you have to accomplish to meet them, but it's clearly too much, so just stop. Take several deep breaths and try to regain yourself. If your husband needs his willy locked, then lock it. But anything and everything after that is your decision; yours alone. Lock it and put the key in a drawer for a month, or six, or whatever time you choose. Then take a break from what has clearly been a harrowing experience, and perhaps some counseling would do you both some good.
> Barburia said: > His chastity should not be about getting his needs fulfilled, but about him fulfilling your needs. In my opinion. > Click to expand... I totally agree. That's what I thought it was all about. However, there have been several times where he is upset with how things are playing out, and then in my head, I assume he isn't satisfied. I know that's on me. I'm having a hard time getting past it. Also, staying in the key holder mindset 24/7 has been a challenge for me.
> NewMiss said: > I totally agree. That's what I thought it was all about. However, there have been several times where he is upset with how things are playing out and then it's in my head that he is not satisfied. I know that's on me. I'm having a hard time getting past it. Also, it's been a challenge for me to stay in the key holder mindset 24/7. > Click to expand... Yes, I can see that, and I’m genuinely sorry he made you feel bad. In your place, I’d just keep him locked until he can really hear what you’re saying. No other KH tasks than that. If you want to be affectionate, fine. Because it actually makes it harder (as it were, plus literally), but you shouldn’t feel obligated by anything right now in this role. He sounds selfish to me, and chastity might actually help change that.
> NewMiss said: > I totally agree. That's what I thought it was all about. However, there have been several times where he is upset with how things are playing out and then it's in my head that he is not satisfied. I know that's on me. I'm having a hard time getting past it. Also, it's been a challenge for me to stay in the key holder mindset 24/7. > Click to expand... I think it is up to your husband to become satisfied with whatever you give him. That's his role now. Frankly, your husband's demands that you meet all his fantasy expectations for a successful chastity experience are unrealistic and represent topping from the bottom. It's too bad that what was supposed to be a boon for you has turned into an ugly mess. It is very sweet of you to be so concerned about how much your husband is enjoying his chastity. But things might work out better if you started prioritizing your own enjoyment, or at least using your own peace of mind as a gauge of how well things are going. Happy wife = happy life!
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