Novices and newbies discussion

Take away his chastity device. He needs to learn that if he's not going to play by the rules that the game stops. That's a worse form of denial than forcing him to go a few extra months without an orgasm.

My wife/KH was also not in favor of corporal punishment. She was abused growing up and was afraid of hurting/injuring me. I was finally able to convince her that there is a big difference between hurting me or causing long term/permanent injury and doling out a bit of temporary pain as a form of discipline. When we wrote our contract this was addressed. It was agreed that she would never use belts, crops, canes or other instruments that could cause permanent damage. She now has a plastic paddle that is smooth on one side and textured on the other, a pair of wooden hairbrushes, a spatula that I cut a heart into for her, and a paddle with 'kitten' (My name for her since we were first dating) mirror engraved into it that I gave her for Christmas. The last 2 will leave the impression of the heart or the word 'kitten' on my ass if enough force is used. While the marks can look similar to raised welts caused by the instruments she agreed not to use, they are not permanent nor do they cut or damage the skin. Does it hurt to get a paddle, brush or spatula used on my bare ass? Yes. Does it cause any long term injury or leave permanent marks? No. Does it get my attention and help to correct my behavior? YES! I know that some Dom key holders like to beat their subs to the point of severe bruising and bleeding and some subs enjoy that type of abuse. That is fine for them but it is not for everyone nor is it necessary for correction. If you feel that a spanking or paddling is warranted by his bad behavior don't be afraid to administer it. Choose an instrument that doesn't have sharp edges like a flat backed wooden hairbrush, a ping pong paddle, or a paddle designed for the purpose. Even if you hold back a little his ass will still turn red, the sting will remain for a couple of hours and you will have gotten your point across. With practice, and as you gain confidence, you will learn how far to go without causing injury or permanent damage. It will hurt and he will quickly start to apologize and promise to behave better. At that point you have his attention and the lesson becomes real. Don't be to quick to stop. Continue until you decide he has had enough and you are sure this is not something he will look forward to in the future.

Well “mrs keyholder”, it seems your sub knows right from wrong, understands his actions are negatively affecting your enjoyment of being his kh, and still behaves that way. Even though he knows his actions are hurting you, instead of just stopping it, he’s asked for way for you to improve your skill set...like you are doing something wrong. All that being said, I believe the only step forward is to throw the key at him, and quit all this nonsense that he wanted you to have control. If you want to give him another chance to follow, one of the tools to be more assertive may be that, if you have to return the key a second time, the two of you are through. Good luck

Dump your arsehole husband.