I’m fairly sure that most couples mostly live in the first category rather than the second. This is the dynamic I see as more equal, with desires sought and satisfied for both parties—a fun, sexy equilibrium if you will. But a few people, mainly men (at least initially), have been on this path from the start, whether they realized it or not. They are chasing their holy grail of total subservience. Most women who love and adore their slightly quirky but loving husbands tend to go along with it; after all, what’s an hour or so of kinky play in the grand scheme? But that isn’t the reality, is it? He truly wants control over himself, a shift in power balance. He needs this not just for an hour here and there each week.
Of course, you could simply come clean at the beginning; tell her everything—your needs, desires, obsessions—but it’s not that simple; it can be risky. Plus, I know some men (spelling?) think women have a natural awareness of their needs and will intuitively pick up on what actions are needed to adapt or adopt this lifestyle. We don’t! So where does that leave our heroes? Stuck between his frustration and her confusion. His journey is one way; her receptiveness is another. To appease his inner demon, we find him trolling fetish sites etc., seeking relief, maybe some like-minded souls, even advice. He’s gone a bit rogue. But does it really quench the thirst? Or just make him hungrier?
Poor soul, it must be exhausting. Meanwhile, our heroine continues along, mostly oblivious to what’s happening behind the scenes, but she may notice he is oscillating between contentment and frustrated confusion. It looks like it’s easier for her to absent herself from the dear wife/gf role and have his needs tended in cyberspace. Plus, with a bit of luck, he might get some semblance of real-life connection through those means.
Somewhere in the distance, turmoil erupts, possibly building up over time. Then comes the discovery! Our kinky boy gets caught out, and recriminations unfold. Amidst tears and loud words, she asks him, “Why didn’t you say something?” He retorts with his worries about danger and anxiety, claiming he was trying to protect her.
So maybe after the turbulence settles—perhaps a breakdown or perhaps forgiveness—he still has that need! But where does he go from here? Barely hanging on, he slips further into isolated frustration while trying hard to appear happy, changed, forgiven. The moral? STOP LYING! To her and yourself. Never start this journey with a lie; it just builds up. Two people traveling separate paths rarely meet in the middle. If you really want to cross that tipping point, be honest: you always wanted this. Be upfront, involve her, and you may find ground where you can both live happily together.
You never know—you might one day find yourself totally controlled by her; you just didn’t see it coming. It’s good to talk!