This journal reflects my thoughts and work style; it is not a rulebook dictating how others should enjoy their dynamics. Nor does it invite dismissal of what I like or corrections telling me I am ‘doing it wrong.’ I can handle that on Fetlife!:) I have pasted parts of an online “About Me” profile. These few words are just the beginning to show who I really am, though there is much more. Submission for me is a lifestyle, a mindset, and a necessity rather than merely a tool for my own gratification. I strive to meet demands; I don’t constantly say ‘i want’! Perhaps this explains why chastity appeals so strongly? While arousal often centers our activities, that doesn’t mean the focus must be on sex. Being kept in a state of aroused frustration deepens my submissive mindset and fosters a sense of servility I might lack otherwise. It would surely feel diluted without it. Chastity is currently self-imposed; I love how much more subdued it makes me, keeping me mindful of my role and helping develop further servility.
I yearn to serve, to be useful, and to accept the place a Lady sees as my purpose in her life. I am not looking for a boyfriend status, sexual relationships, or conventional partnership. I once thought FLRs were the path forward, but it depends on how ‘relationships’ connects with my role. I will write about that separately later. Yes, I can and will offer intimate submission if needed, but I never expect nor demand reciprocity. Chastity strengthens this commitment and hopefully shows that my mind is present and accounted for! * I really want a key-holder who genuinely enjoys owning someone else’s pleasure and is willing to deny it as long as they find it amusing or suitable. I am not the type to beg for release; instead, I accept that my enjoyment isn’t free—it must be earned and indulged at their discretion.
That idea is crucial to me. Many practice chastity alongside sexual activity, which is great—they should enjoy what comes with it. For me, however, it is about relinquishing freedom, knowing a Lady controls every detail. I don’t need micromanagement; rather, the assurance that she truly feels her ownership. Mostly I abstain from self-pleasure without needing a device; I deny myself through guilt, feeling like waste if done just for my own gratification. Pleasure is mine to give and others’ to enjoy. Whatever reward I receive becomes my pleasure too—an extension of finding joy in pleasing others.
We all have an “all about me” aspect. Here, I am sharing what attracts me to chastity, what I crave from it and submission, and what I bring to the Lady who might one day own me. In a way, this makes it personal to me, yet my past experience tells me that once connected with the right Lady, everything aligns toward her—a need to learn, apply myself better, and become the person she desires serving her. Chastity may be what I want, but it is a process helping me evolve into an even more fitting submissive for a Superior who could own me.
As of writing this entry, I have been locked just over three weeks. There is some flexibility because I am using chastity to aid weight loss. The target date is June 29th, or when the weight goal is met. Reaching that date will total 105 days. I doubt it won’t extend further since my longest self-imposed period so far has been 106 days. As this journal grows, you’ll see much of my submission lies in the mind; I am an emotional masochist whose goal is to beat my record.:)
I will stop there for now, though it feels long already. Future entries will be more condensed, promise.:D