Chastity and orgasm denial discussion

My Wife/KH and I both decided to give a ruined orgasm a shot. Last Saturday night, about a week ago, we tried it. I couldn’t quite make the jump; tied spread eagle on the bed, she edged me relentlessly. Every time I thought I was going over, she’d halt her motion (great trip by the way;)…) The issue might be that I ‘smoke’ a bit too much (420), which sometimes makes cumming tricky. Plus, it was partly in my head—whenever I got close to the edge, she’d just stop… Oh well, had a BLAST being edged… By morning, I woke up horny and was permitted PIV and allowed to cum. Throughout the week under lockup - no cumming - though I did get some worship sessions a couple of times. That following Saturday we brought out the Y-Table. I got wrapped tightly in pallet wrap with an electrified Aneros inside, plus sticky pads on my balls (TENS unit) - still had some smoke but less than before. Spent an hour being worshipped prior to binding. Again, it was tough for me to cross that final threshold; perhaps partly mental? Eventually I did get over the edge and had a strong ‘spurt’ that shot far back over my shoulder, feeling much like a normal orgasm. My Wife stopped stroking immediately and just held there. I was heavily blindfolded with my head strapped down so couldn’t feel anything - after a minute or two I asked her blindly if she was still there and if more had come out?? She replied “oh yeah, you came quite a bit all over your stomach - it just oozed out” Looks like we achieved a ‘somewhat’ successful Ruined-O. I definitely felt that initial spurt which felt normal, but the rest wasn’t the usual satisfying and intense orgasm - maybe a ‘little’ crash, though not as severe as after a full blown O. The next morning I was allowed PIV but no cumming - then locked back up afterwards. Because of the unfulfilling ruined part, it made me wonder why on earth I want this?? But I still think I do… Am I crazy? Anyone else feeling the same?