Journals and blogs discussion

I tend to be quite sentimental and as a single bloke it can sometimes weigh on me. Lately, I’ve been experimenting with various devices to get ready for when a partner arrives so she won’t need to “break me in” essentially. Standard off-the-rack models didn’t suit, so I placed an order for a bespoke device from Mature Metal. While waiting for it to arrive, I continued my period of denial and was genuinely surprised by how overwhelmed the emotions became. Usually, if I felt down, I would retreat into fantasy land and masturbate, feeling improved afterward thanks to that brief escape. A simple remark made by a friend chatting with another lady really struck me. It was just casual banter between two women about their husbands, but it hit home regarding how fortunate they are to have partners. (This caught me totally off guard; normally I laugh along when the ladies discuss this.) I headed home to carry on as usual but recalled that I am pushing myself for a future partner to make things smoother for her, so I held back from touching (teased and denied). Subsequently, I felt guilty about self-touching and my mood dipped slightly. It took some time, but I have recovered my composure and learned a great deal about myself during these weeks without an orgasm, identifying my specific triggers. The learning curve was steep. I realize it will improve when I am truly unable to touch myself with no access at all; I now fully grasp the concept. The emotional journey alongside everything else is significant, and I won’t let those feelings overwhelm me again because I know my triggers and understand my body and emotions much better. It has aided my growth and keeps things moving forward as I await my new device:)