My wife and I have been together for 24 years, and we tried chastity for the first time around last Halloween. It was a great experience. She read through some of the more trusted sites online, so we began with short cycles: wearing it for two or three days at a time, taking breaks to play, putting it back on in the morning, that sort of thing.
It worked wonderfully given what we knew about it then. The longest she kept me locked was six days, and I had one cleaning session halfway through. Unfortunately, after about a month, we stopped because of stress and family matters. She struggles with depression and just couldn’t fully engage emotionally. I respected her decision.
I encouraged us to restart on National Chastity Day, which she did. This time she kept me locked for seven and a half days before deciding the device was necessary again. During those weeks, I found several well-written articles from female perspectives in FLR (Female Led Relationship) contexts that I shared with her.
Here is how she has described her situation to me: She is happy to participate but doesn’t want to get tangled up in too many kinks, which is perfectly fine. What she really wants right now is more attention, deeper connection, and extra affection. I understand this need and make an effort to provide it.
My concerns—some voiced aloud, others kept inside—are that I require more structure and active participation from her side. When she locks me up, I ask about the duration of my term. Her current answers usually range between 7 to 10 days, with some uncertainty involved. I prefer a specific date for release, though naturally it is her right to extend or shorten things as she sees fit.
I haven’t quite experienced the full potential of this yet because my longest stint was just under eight complete days. I felt noticeably different during that time, undergoing both chemical and psychological shifts.
While locked, I crave more engagement from her: teasing, denial, simple comments or touches, even small punishments—anything to show she is thinking about me often. Something active rather than passive, perhaps verbal affirmation too.
Her explanation remains rooted in her depression and finding her rhythm again (‘groove’). I can accept that reasoning but still desire more interaction.
After the 7/12-day period ended, we had full intercourse which felt magical. She let me out for Saturday and Sunday (two days). By Sunday morning, I was already wishing to be back inside.
On Monday morning before she left home, she reminded me it was time to re-enter. When I asked how long the term would last, she gave the same 7-to-10-day estimate again but departed without enforcing anything else or giving further thought or mention of it. I faithfully went to the bathroom and complied immediately. However, frustration set in quickly regarding her lack of involvement.
If I try too hard to discuss details with her, she gets annoyed or frustrated. She has made remarks like: “IF you’re going to go right back to how things were every time I take it off, then I don’t want to play,” and “I don’t want this to become a permanent arrangement.”
I understand the desire for non-permanence, but my impression—as she has acknowledged—is that I am better suited when wearing the device. There is still work to be done before I fully embody the man she wants. She needs to step up as a participant in training me, communicating more clearly about what rights and wrongs apply so I can develop ideal traits and maintain them even outside the device.
Instead, it seems she expects perfection without trial and error or greater involvement from her side.
I also hope this lifestyle will help her build self-worth and strengthen her dominant qualities to better combat depression. She can be quite fierce and stubborn during arguments; she even calls herself a ‘bitch’ sometimes—but outside of disagreements, she is often too passive, quiet, reserved, only releasing tension later in conflict. I have seen glimpses of who she truly is: playful, confident sides that need bringing out more frequently.
Am I missing something? Am I not understanding correctly? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.