I feel like I need a couple of prologues to tell this story right (which is ironic, given that someone who calls their tale ‘Chapter Two’ would say so), but I’ll just write this one and see if I can cover everything.
The first part covers my introduction to the concept of ‘Orgasm Denial.’ When I trace it back to its roots within me, I land on the Barenaked Ladies. No joke. There was a song on the radio years ago with the line “like Sting, I’m tantric.” My girlfriend at the time thought Sting was the sexiest man alive, so that lyric always caught her eye—and then mine.
Eventually, I bought her a gift: a book about tantric sex and orgasms. She left me before I could give it to her, though. Later, I found it tucked in my closet, and out of curiosity, I started reading through it. Towards the back, there was a pretty detailed guide on how to practice a tantric orgasm, so I followed along. Stripping away the metaphysical fluff, it was actually quite good, and I eventually learned that this simple method is called ‘orgasm delay.’
Years went by, and then came the internet. Searching through this new bounty of information for more on orgasm delay, I stumbled into orgasm control and denial, adding a fresh kink to my playbook around the same time a new girlfriend entered my life who would eventually become my wife. While I searched, watched videos, and built fantasies around this new interest, our relationship was budding but perhaps not quite ready for that presentation yet.
Jumping ahead… My introduction to chastity actually came long after I had bought—and then tossed out—my first ‘chastity’ device. I grew up in a small midwestern town before the internet era, with only Dad’s Playboys and my brother’s Penthouse magazines as inspiration. When I finally moved to a bigger city and walked into my first real sex shop, I was amazed. I have no idea why the Stallion Guard was the only thing I bought that day, or what drew me to it. When I got home and put it on, I still didn’t know what it was for or how to use it properly. I pleasured myself a bit while wearing it, maybe a few times, before eventually discarding it because I feared my many roommates would discover it over the next few years.
Of course, as orgasm denial became clear, so did chastity, but honestly, I never connected my Stallion Guard history to that discovery. I don’t know why. Maybe because I hadn’t seen any videos featuring that specific device, and none of the other devices I’d seen looked anything like it. Because of this, when chastity play first entered my life with someone else, I wouldn’t have said that I had explored it on my own before. Whether that was accurate or not is for others to decide; I don’t really care.
My introduction to chastity play with a partner was extremely erotic for me—for about an hour—before taking a left turn. My girlfriend (now wife) and we were both working in restaurants at the time, and as most restaurant workers will tell you, we hated Valentine’s Day. It meant far more work than a normal shift for much less reward. All those people who never eat out would flood in on that day, unsure of how to act or tip. We had been together almost a year when our first Valentine’s Day hit us both working that evening, so a special dinner was ruled out for two reasons: no time, and we didn’t really want to contribute to the chaos every restaurant experiences.
I convinced her—and I still don’t know how—that instead of dining out after our shift, we should rebel and go to the sex boutique downtown in our big city. We had so much fun holding hands and walking around that store. By then, with help from the internet, I had developed quite a bit more experience than she had, so as we walked, I spent time explaining what various items were used for.
And then we reached the glass case, where inside sat a medieval leather and steel ‘chastity’ device. She pointed at it and asked what it was; I answered.
Her eyes lit up, and she said, “That looks like fun.” I was nearly overwhelmed. I couldn’t believe that this slowly developing fantasy in my mind had actually been brought up accidentally, and she approved.
We bought the device, and on the drive home, she couldn’t wait. She took it out of the packaging, holding it up and turning it this way and that, trying to figure out where everything went. There were quite a few leather straps pointing in odd directions, making it less obvious to anyone not packing the intended equipment. Once we got home, she was eager to see it on me, and I was thrilled to oblige.
That’s when that particular fantasy took an immediate kick in the nuts, so to speak. “Now what do I do with it?” she asked, her face scrunched up as if she’d smelled something bad (side note: years later, the leather developed a smell that made her make that exact same face).
It didn’t become an immediately popular device for us to play with, but on occasion, she would “tell” me to put it on, and then we’d have some interaction where she’d have me take it off rather quickly.
The second part of this ‘prologue’ to my story is the slow development of orgasm denial in my relationship with my wife. I don’t remember our first conversation about it at all. What I can recall is that at some point, we started playing around with it, and eventually, it included that leather and steel cock cage device. I remember it starting with three or four days where I wasn’t “allowed” to have orgasms, slowly stretching into longer periods. During those times, she’d “make” me wear the contraption for a couple of hours each day, never for a full day at once, and never two consecutive days.
I remember very distinctly the first time we crossed that threshold where my brain chemistry changed (assuming that’s what it is). She came home after a long day at work while I’d been free to play video games all day. Normally, I’d glance up from the game as she walked in, offering a quick “Hey.” Then she’d go change into something more comfortable and come sit beside me on the couch, where I would let her know that once I hit a save point, I’d shut off the game so we could figure out dinner.
On this day I’ll never forget, I heard her car pull into the driveway. Without thinking, I got up from the couch, walked to the video game machine, and turned it off in the middle of a ‘level.’ Then I hurried outside to meet her as she stepped out of the car, gave her a big hug and kiss, and took her bag off her shoulder to carry inside for her. I hadn’t been playing video games all day after all. Instead, I’d gone to the store and bought something to make for dinner. So I told her to go change into something more comfortable, and when she returned, I was already started on dinner with a glass of wine waiting for her.
She sat down while we talked as I made the entire meal, then we ate, and I wouldn’t let her help clean up. Instead, I poured her another glass and told her to tell me more about her day while I cleaned. She started giggling and said something along the lines of, “You really want me to let you orgasm, huh?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, genuinely confused.
“All this,” she replied, gesturing to the dinner and the wine, “and meeting me at the car, and just … tonight … you.”
It hit me. I hadn’t even realized all of these things I’d done. At the time, I had no idea that I might be experiencing a known change in my brain chemistry leading to this behavior. What I did know—and what I couldn’t explain—was that none of it was about wanting an orgasm. It was simply because I wanted to do something nice for her. I just wanted to make her happy. I almost cried as I realized what I was doing, a
nd tried to pinpoint the why. That was around the two week mark of denial, and the first time we’d ever gone that long. I can’t tell you if I was pushing for longer at that point in our life together, or if it was mutual, or what. I just remember that was the first time we both experienced the change in attitude that I go through, and we were both shocked by it a little. It would actually be years before I would understand that it might be a hormonal change in my brain chemistry that comes from not having orgasms (and I still haven’t found anything to convince me that the “science” claimed to be behind that is real; but I definitely experience it). Over our almost fifteen years together, we have continued to play with orgasm denial. It’s always around four to six weeks, and usually nine to twelve months apart. I have acquired some better chastity devices, and found a favorite, but she never had me wear them more than a few hours, and rarely more than one evening in a row, with the most being three, I think. Last summer, we were engaged in one of my orgasm denial periods that lasted about five weeks. During it, I told her that I really wanted her to be meaner with the cage. Longer periods. There was a revelation of sorts that started within this conversation. She told me that I’d never asked for that before. I left it alone at the time, not wanting to start a fight, but I could distinctly remember asking multiple times over the many years. She stepped up, and made me wear it for probably ten days of that denial period. The revelation would come by putting that statement together with another statement she made during a much more recent conversation. I was telling her that sometimes, I would go out on this limb to share a fantasy with her, and she would just forget completely about it. I know my wife very well, and I would never ask her to do something that she was uncomfortable with (and she wouldn’t hesitate to tell me), so I wondered what the problem was. She eventually revealed that sometimes, she thought I was just talking in the moment, getting myself hotter by sharing a fantasy. She didn’t always realize that I actually wanted her to do some of these things. I’ve gotten much more specific now, to say the least, and I think that’s what she was thinking when I would ask her to be meaner with the cage. So now to the meat of our story … the current situation that has prompted me to start this journal, and the reason for calling this journal ‘Chapter Two.’ She cut me off recently (February 16th), and then I wanted to have a long talk with her about the length and frequency of our denial periods. We had that talk, and we’re going to try something new, and see if it works. I’ve been locked in my cage since March 12th, with one overnight out, and one full day with the book-ended nights out on March 24th. In my next entry, I’ll give some details on the conversation that we had, and start detailing some of the events and emotions that are occurring. I want to add something to this prologue, though. I did not come to this conversation as a man looking to improve our intimacy, or our sex life. We already have a good relationship. We communicate well, work as a team against all fronts, we’re intimate, we have a solid sex life with good frequency for us, and she’s always been playful, willing to try new positions and toys. We are both satisfied, and happy. Lucky, if I’m being honest. I came to this conversation because I love orgasm denial, and I want to experience more of it, explore more of it, but I cannot do it without her. When I try on my own, I get to around ten days, maybe fourteen, and I say to myself, “This’ll feel good enough,” and I let myself have an orgasm. I don’t know why, but when I’m making it her decision, it’s a thousand times easier to control myself. In addition, for us, the chastity has little to do with control. I am naturally submissive, so I do want it to be her decision and it mostly is (except for me asking for more, more, more), but it’s not enforcement of the denial. It’s more like an additional, constant tease that keeps me hornier, more ‘frustrated.’ I can say that I’ve always been the kind of guy that enjoys the journey more than the destination, so this is very natural for me. The best part of sex for me isn’t the orgasm, it’s the foreplay and fucking. Why wouldn’t I want that to last for as long as possible?