We practice chastity without any D/s dynamic. My wife simply teases and denies me, and once we leave the bedroom, I remain head of household. After four years in this state, my wife shared an interesting thought during dinner. I noted that she seemed to enjoy teasing me, but she corrected me: she actually prefers having control over me. She explained that after 44 years of marriage, she likes being in charge sexually and wants to bring that authority into our married life, not as the fantasy version you see online. She isn’t going to boss me around or turn me into her slave. Instead, she will take my place as head of household.
We are currently debating whether to add domestic discipline since I have been involved in S&M for 47 years and need a bit of that occasionally. She has administered corporal punishment before but prefers not to cause me pain. Perhaps her perspective on that has shifted too.
This surprised me, as she discovered that my long-term orgasm denial changed me for the better. I follow her instructions, and we haven’t had an argument in two years. When I first introduced chastity play to her, I framed it within a D/s FLR structure, which scared her. She worried she would have to make all the decisions and manage every aspect of our marriage. However, I’ve been demonstrating that she doesn’t need to do any more than she already does. The only change is that she gets the final say on anything I propose. We will continue making joint decisions regarding matters affecting our marriage since that approach has worked well for us.
She tells me that after spending 40 years submissive to me and worrying about pleasing me, she found a taste of what it feels like to control a man. It helps that her best friends run their marriages because their husbands didn’t age gracefully, forcing the wives to take charge. I bought her an ebook that presents FLR realistically. It discusses optional add-ons such as domestic discipline, BDSM, and chastity. The book focuses on explaining how to build an FLR relationship where my wife doesn’t have to be bossy or mean. She remains herself while we shift in and out of our D/s roles as we wish, not strictly 24/7. It views FLR the same way my wife and I approach Chastity: a game we play where we sometimes take on our specific roles but mostly remain just ourselves.
The most interesting part to me is that my wife actually wants to live the rest of our marriage as Head of Household, managing it in the same way she manages our sex life. She mentioned wanting more sex and achieving two or three orgasms every time we are intimate. Chastity has really opened her up to dominance. When I moved away from our longtime girlfriend, I told my wife that I was willing to give her control over our marriage because I owed her greatly for sharing her partner with me and allowing me to date other women. But she looked like a frightened child, so I reassured her that she didn’t have to do everything right now. She even cried because she was so afraid of taking on the dominant role in our marriage. This is why I advise newbies to present chastity first on its own and introduce any other fetishes later. My wife felt overwhelmed.
It felt strange hearing my wife talk about her orgasms and how much she loves the control over me that she wants more of. The next few months should be interesting. The book I gave her (I can’t recall the name right now) explains that her husband remains the same masculine guy he married, making her feel safe and protected. It has nothing to do with his masculinity being diminished. Just as a wife in a male-led marriage doesn’t lose her femininity, why should the husband? Now that she has tasted control after living life to please me, she is eager to remain Head of Household for all matters.
Has anyone else seen their submissive wives become more dominant through chastity without turning into dominatrices or treating their husbands like slaves?