Honey My Failure in Self-Chastity with My Asian Wife

Prelude: We said yes to each other some time ago. My wife is much younger, she has dark long hair and she is Asian. I am born submissive, blond European guy. My desire is higher and I am submissive, so I started to beg for sex. As a consequence I got turned away more and more often. I started to masturbate secretly, then I tried to beg in my agony for more and tried to push her to perform adult action but she refused. Once I got so desperate, we quarreled and I told her that I need to jerk now and I started to pleasure myself in front of her. The shame to do so turned me so much on. She stopped my self induced action and jerked my off very harsh. I had to be totally silent without any movement. I loved it. Recently: Actually she still allows me to treat her with massages and more. But since then she does not want intercourse or touch me downstairs anymore. After her climax she usually turns away from me and sleeps while I have the super boner. She simply wants her peace and does not want to be my sex slave. I can understand her but I started to masturbate secretly. She found it out recently and disallowed me to do so. So I decided to use my submissive behavior to be honest again and try to turn the situation around. This was before start of Locktober. First diary entry: After three weeks of stress we have holiday this week and it‘s just Monday. On our first free day I feel so horny that I actually need to seduce my wife or protect me from playing without consent during night time. Let’s see if I am allowed to pleasure my wife with a massage.