Greetings all,
My Mistress and I have been lurking here for a few months, picking up plenty of valuable insights into the sub/dom way of life. We wanted to make sure we were connecting with genuine sub/doms who felt relatable, and mostly that has been the case—so credit where it’s due to this site and a huge thank you to everyone.
I am a 40-plus-year-old man from the UK with a very masculine profession and interests like football, rugby, drinking with friends, and gambling. I have two wonderful children with my partner and love being a dad. Since I work away during the week, our time together is mostly weekends, and I usually try hard to keep those days interesting and fun so we stay tightly bonded.
My partner goes by Mistress Locksmith here; she’s three years younger than me, and we’ve been together for just over 15 years. Our relationship has always been passionate but often turbulent. Sex was consistently engaging and fulfilling, yet our arguments sometimes turned into angry clashes that left us feeling quite resentful toward each other for weeks. Things came to a head late last year when we reluctantly decided to separate.
Even though finances kept us under the same roof during this separation, the relational pressure eased up. We found ourselves enjoying each other’s company like friends again, much like in our early days. Communication became easier between us, and ironically on Valentine’s Day of this year, our sexual attraction reignited. Negotiations started about how we could save our relationship while keeping modern-day pressures at bay.
I didn’t take all the blame for what went wrong; I was often arrogant, abusive, and angry toward her. Eventually, we both saw where things were going off track and promised to fix it. We talked through other issues too until we truly understood each other’s feelings.
With our relationship back on solid ground, it was time to discuss how to move forward. Over the last two years, many sessions using the sissy maid fantasy worked well for us. Being feminized, disciplined, and kept in chastity satisfied my need to be sexually submissive to a dominant woman—feelings I’ve had since my early teens that have grown stronger with age. Mistress also enjoyed these sessions; she received love and respect from me while enjoying dominating my somewhat large ego. Unfortunately, we struggled to maintain this lifestyle permanently due to the same problems many of you post about, plus our relationship wasn’t as rock-solid as we thought.
Now that things are stable and pressures are off, I’ve been brutally honest about what I crave as a sexually submissive male. Being kept in chastity, feminized, and disciplined is part of it, but serving a Mistress who humiliates me, forces bisexual acts for her amusement, and cuckolds me while strictly controlling my orgasm completes the dream. Mistress Locksmith’s response wasn’t shocked; she’d done her homework previously and knew these subjects were part of the sissy fantasy, though she hadn’t realized I would enjoy having them forced upon me as a submissive.
During our open talks, Mistress revealed that her earliest memory of domination was bullying a submissive boy in the playground at age nine. Though not naturally dominant by nature, coincidentally her feelings have shifted toward dominance while mine have moved toward submission. She also shared one of her biggest fantasies: enjoying freedom with lovers or partners even within a relationship structure. It seemed only natural to try living this sub/dom lifestyle again.
In our previous attempts at D/s life, I made similar mistakes to many subs here. I tried provoking dominance by breaking rules or misbehaving—for example, trying to get Mistress to spank me. She would, but once the pain became too much, I’d plead for mercy and she’d stop. After a few minutes of recovery, I wanted her to repeat it, making another rule break or behave badly again. This only reinforced Mistress’s belief that the spanking wasn’t affecting my behavior toward her.
The same pattern occurred with chastity: I would beg to be let out, hoping she’d hold firm and say no, but she often showed sympathy and allowed release, adding to my frustration. With feminization, she asked me to wear the maid outfit, but I really wanted to be forced into it, so I acted indifferent about dressing up, which negatively impacted her perception that I was losing interest in this lifestyle.
Since our very open discussions, we understand exactly what each expects and wants from this type of life. We have set times for chastity, no safe words or sentences during discipline, and I now realize Mistress enjoys feminizing and humiliating me—making me happier knowing we’re in it together to satisfy our needs and fantasies. She still sees her ex-boyfriend as a friend; he’s keen on having sex with my Mistress, unaware of our D/s dynamic (he thinks we just have an open relationship occasionally).
We are now confident that this sub/dom lifestyle is what we both desire. I know I can approach Mistress to discuss anything enhancing the life or causing concern without her arrogance and anger flaring up again. She knows she can bring issues to me too. For now, I believe Mistress truly grasps my needs as a submissive and summed it up beautifully when she said: “This is how you want to be loved; this is how I shall love you.”
I’m quite hopeful we’ve got things sorted. We both feel there’s nothing to lose by trying, and no hard feelings if certain parts of our fantasies remain unchanged—but we’re open-minded enough to believe anything is possible.
If you’ve read this far, thank you very much for your time. I hope to get better acquainted with all of you soon.
Sissyfrills x