I adore being a sub and accepting abuse, but only when I’m sexually aroused. When denied an orgasm, I’ve remained in that state for as long as six months. To me, s/m is fundamentally about sex, nothing else. My ex used to claim I had split personalities. Back then, I belonged to several s/m groups, and whenever I asked if the partners viewed it primarily as a sexual connection, 90 percent said no—it was just a power exchange. Puzzled by this, I recalled all those Dominatrix advertisements featuring them in sultry attire with naked men kneeling before them. So I wondered aloud why that was, and got the reply that they dressed seductively to display what the man couldn’t possess. But if it has nothing to do with sex, why would he desire it? I don’t just mean intercourse; I mean the entire dynamic is sexual in nature.
As my thoughts drifted, I remembered them offering CBT, ball busting, pegging, tease and denial, milking, and so on. If I wanted a powerful woman to exercise authority over me without sex involved, I’d suggest she puts on boxing gloves while I stand with hands tied behind my back in full clothes, or perhaps she tosses a stick for me to chase and fetch. All fully clothed. Those activities would be highly arousing even then.
I should mention that I feel submissive only when sex is part of the equation; otherwise, I am the one in charge. Having been self-employed all my life, I’m not fanatical about being the boss, but it simply isn’t my nature to let someone else do my thinking for me.
As noted, I was once sentenced to six months without an orgasm. It was arguably the best half-year of my life because my Lady ensured I stayed aroused each morning as she made me tell her how beautiful she was and recite a list of promises regarding my submissive status. I repeated these vows throughout my day, even calling her just to chant them again—it was wonderful brainwashing. My Lady received all the sexual attention she desired, yet we cuddled like lovers. It felt like six months of continuous foreplay for me.
There were other periods of denial afterward; they often began with ten days before being extended as punishment. Sadly, we split up, only to start dating again a year later but without any sex involved. I found her boring and lost interest; she was seeing another guy in a vanilla relationship. Without the sexual element, there seemed no reason for us to just go out for coffee or drive through the mountains.
I recently met a woman who advertised for a sub to handle cleaning and errands. Things progressed to me massaging her while receiving happy endings, all while I remained denied. When I mentioned cages, she loved the idea of that level of control. She also insists it is a power exchange, yet she has me strip naked, spanked with her belt, kiss her feet, and then clean her house under her supervision. Another thing she enjoys is having me begin to masturbate only to stop when commanded.
I appreciate all these elements but struggle to see how they are merely a power exchange.
Any answers to this??