I realize that many folks enjoy creating chastity contracts. The very act of drafting them can be thrilling, as I discovered years ago when I attempted it myself. For my spouse and me, though, they never quite clicked. The primary reason is similar to how we don’t have a formal contract detailing our duties within the relationship; anything we bring into our lifestyle isn’t recorded for future reference or solidified as rules/agreements.
Personally, I dislike rigid rules. Much of my life has been spent battling government agencies and using their own regulations against them, proving they were illegal or misinterpreted. I avoid joining clubs because they impose rules, and being a free spirit, I prefer to drift with the flow rather than be confined by strictures. Rules seem to dictate what I am allowed to do, yet often I want to refuse permission for things that are permitted and embrace those that aren’t.:)
Another issue surfaced when we first attempted to document our arrangement. I hesitate to call it a contract because, in business terms, that word implies legal binding force. A chastity or FLR agreement is really just a non-binding understanding between partners. My wife and I preferred flexibility; amending the deal every time we tweaked our desires became tedious as the list of changes grew, with some modifications canceling out previous rules. Ultimately, it got too cumbersome and restrictive.
We currently operate without a formal contract for our husband-led marriage setup (though one could argue she holds final authority). It’s essentially a single-point understanding that isn’t written down anyway. We also lack specific agreements for threesomes, domestic discipline, and BDSM. Sure, we discuss these matters, but only in broad strokes that evolve over time. I’ve seen contracts for lifestyle elements that are incredibly long and detailed—some read like fantasies put into words, while others look more like instruction manuals written from a ‘me-first’ perspective.
I have no issue with anyone drafting an agreement and calling it a contract because, as noted, the commitment itself can be erotic when you write down your fantasy and your partner accepts it. It’s powerful stuff. However, my question is this: do you believe a contract or agreement is essential? For those who used one, did they eventually drop it? I’ve noticed some where both parties agree, but it often seems focused on what the man wants to receive or give. I’m curious why others feel compelled to use them and how successful they were. Doesn’t putting things in writing turn life into a game or role-play for some people? To me, a contract only makes sense if every aspect of the relationship is documented.
Put simply: Why do you find it necessary to commit your sexual dynamics or relationship details to paper? Do you view sex as a game/role-play or just part of daily life? I’m not opposed to them—I’ve tried them—but they didn’t suit us. I preferred things being driven by circumstance and context rather than fixed rules. For instance, yesterday I wore my CB6000 all day and even slept in it. It’s off now, and I won’t put it back on until my wife goes out tonight (and likely not when I sleep). The reason is that our chastity lifestyle is fundamentally about me staying chaste; the method matters less.
Since I dislike rules, it makes sense why I steer clear of formal agreements. For others, however, they can be very beneficial as they clarify what both parties expect, though some appear one-sided. What are your thoughts?