*This is from a twitter thread I just had this morning, and thought some people might find it useful or interesting or something. *
Because of a poll from @thumperMN, this thread is for @MidlifeKink. Since I’ve spent so much time in #male #chastity and experiencing #orgasm denial, she wondered if I missed being able to make choices about my own orgasms. It’s complicated. Back when we were dating, I was more switchy, enjoying some BDSMy kinds of things. Mrs Edge didn’t like being restrained as much, but she did enjoy having the control, so I learned to appreciate that side too.
Over time, I became disappointed because she really lacked interest in those fun little activities (handcuffs, blindfolds, tie downs, etc.). It was confusing since on rare occasions she seemed to enjoy it, but not enough to repeat it. We went through a period where this affected even our vanilla sex life. In reconciling, she mentioned offhand that the only thing she found exciting were some of the home-built cock cage models I had made. The idea of having the final say was appealing to her.
I showed her a picture of the CB3000, and she said “You have got to get one of those!” As it happened, I had already bought one a couple of months earlier to experiment with. She demanded that I take hold of the key and put it on for her. That started a period where we (but mostly she) experimented with what felt comfortable. It took a few years, but it turned out that what she liked were really long lockups. Weeks. Months. More months.
She grew very comfortable seeing me wear a harness and dildo (Terra Firma with a Vixskin Tex, since people will ask), and eventually decided she didn’t feel guilty denying my orgasms. So, at some point, this became the “new normal” in our marriage. On my end, it was… different. Denial wasn’t originally my top kink choice, but because it seemed to be the only one Mrs Edge felt comfortable with, I went along with it. I tried a few different cages, but my modded CB3000 proved most comfortable.
Over time, I grew to appreciate and then enjoy that constant, warm, low-level simmer of erotic orgasm denial. It felt like I was on the verge of boiling over all the while. On one hand, I wanted to come; on the other, I didn’t want to lose that warm internal glow. We played at this on and off for years, and each time, having her lock on the cage made me feel energized. We teased about making it permanent, which would only drive her into longer lockup periods. And I began looking forward to them.
Almost every time, those periods ended when a plastic piece of a cage broke. I finally tried some inexpensive Chinese ones, aiming for eventually getting a custom one made. I stumbled across one called the A272, which turned out to be the most comfortable and convenient. So then I was in a cock cage that was essentially unbreakable. The teasing about “making it permanent” took on a note of reality missing with the plastic cages.
My birthday, anniversary, Xmas, NYE, and other holidays passed, marking a full year. Mrs Edge, who had once said she considered giving me an orgasm after a year, said she was fine to keep going. I was still enjoying that simmer (yes, even after 20 years). Our intimate life was the best it had been in years. I agreed to continue.
So now another year has passed. I haven’t lost the desire for an orgasm; I wake up almost every day wanting one. But I’ve come to realize that it’s the desire to have an orgasm that fuels my warm simmer. If I had no desire, there would be no ache. Along similar lines, if I could make that decision at any time to have one, I’d probably choose to do so frequently or sometimes. So I’ve also realized that not having a choice actually helps fuel the simmer too. With a choice, there’s less frustration.
So, do I miss being able to make choices about them? At times yes, but I understand that not having the choice (unless I decide to stop playing) is what keeps things hot overall for me and Mrs Edge. Mrs Edge has reached a point where she thinks she really wants this to go on forever and would be disappointed if I wanted to stop. Since abdicating my choice to her is part of what makes it hot, I can live with that. I miss not being able to make the decision in the moment, but stepping back for the bigger picture, I’m content in not having to.
This was a long thread to get to that last paragraph, wasn’t it? For those on Twitter, the thread and interspersed comments/replies can be found here: