I am completely new to this whole lifestyle. To be perfectly honest, I had no idea it even existed five months ago. I will try to keep this brief because right now I feel so lost and confused that I could really use some advice and guidance.
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over three months. I am absolutely crazy about him; I’m in love with him and happy with our life as it is. Recently, the topic of Chastity came up. He was the one who brought it up and mentioned he was interested. He showed me the cages and explained the concept to me. I was completely open to it and excited to give it a try.
Last weekend, I went out of town for four days. While I was gone, we were on the phone, and he said that from now on, he would no longer pleasure himself without my permission—essentially giving complete control to me regarding his release. This really turned me on, so we talked about it more. Later this week, we ordered a cage, and both of us felt excited; things seemed like they were moving forward.
While waiting for the cage to arrive, I did some research, and we have been playing around quite a bit during the week. Yesterday morning, he woke me up before his work shift. He mentioned that he had played with himself but hadn’t gotten off. We had plans later when he came home to spend the evening together.
We took a shower, then sat on the couch to smoke and handle some messages on my phone (it only took about 10 minutes). However, things went downhill from there after that. We started bickering—our first real argument. Long story short, it boiled down to him saying he was frustrated by his hormones and wanted no distractions. The fact that I was playing with my phone really pissed him off.
Here is where we stand now: both of us are confused and upset, unsure how to move forward. I know we need to sit down and talk; we plan to do this evening when he gets home from work.
I am upset and confused because generally, I lean more toward being a submissive person. But since Chastity was introduced, I felt myself coming out of my shell, truly excited about it. (During the argument, he claimed that me emerging from my shell caused the fight, leading to his decision for no more orgasm denial or ruined orgasms—although he actually had one the night before anyway; he got off after playing with himself in the morning and was excited all day.) It wasn’t like this was a long-term commitment yet.
I am confused because he is the one who brought Chastity up. He wanted it, wanted me to be in control, and wanted me to deny him. I’ve been trying to learn and take things slowly—starting with teasing him in the afternoon and letting him get off before bed. But now he says no more, citing hormones and frustration added on top of our fight.
I am hurt because my boyfriend is acting like this is a huge deal when it was his idea initially. Any and all suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated.