I’ve gone without my last orgasm for twelve days now. My boyfriend hinted that I might be allowed to cum this Thursday, which would bring the total to fifteen dry days. To some of you here, fifteen days might seem like nothing at all, but it’s a personal best for me. Ever since I first learned about masturbation in fifth grade, my longest stretches between orgasms have never topped ten days. Considering I only turned 29 recently, that adds up to quite a lot.
So how did I end up letting my boyfriend hold the keys? After years of watching countless porn photos and videos showcasing nearly every fetish and kink imaginable, I felt compelled to push myself further. The prospect of controlling myself became more exciting than simply giving in to my urges. This sparked a year-long passion for edging. The sensation of being on the verge but holding back the reward of climax for hours or even days provided me with an incredible rush.
Browsing online, I stumbled upon Thumper’s Tumblr while looking for others who shared this interest. Reading his detailed accounts of chastity made it clear what my next step should be: I wanted to hand over complete control of my cum to my boyfriend.
I brought the idea up to him without high expectations since he took some time to get into edging with me. But after a few weeks of discussion, he agreed to take charge. He’s likely doing it because he loves me and wants to help fulfill my fantasies, but I suspect he’ll grow to really enjoy having this power over me. We’ve been together for two and a half years, and our relationship hasn’t always been smooth sailing. To explore some of my more adventurous desires, I have slept with other men in the past. It stung him when I did that, but fortunately, we managed to work through it. These days, we are closer and deeper in love than ever before. Last night, I told him that giving up my orgasms symbolizes a complete surrender of myself to him. He was deeply moved by this.
It’s worth noting that we aren’t using any physical chastity device right now. While he is comfortable directing when I cum, he isn’t quite ready for the idea of locking me away yet. So, my current state relies entirely on self-discipline. Even though I feel the urge and pressure in my groin building up, I’ve managed to hold back so far. But if I have to wait twenty or thirty days—or longer—can I rely on myself? Part of what makes chastity arousing for me is the mental challenge: being devoted and obedient enough to follow his orders and not cum even during those peak moments of desperation. If I do get locked up later, the helplessness of losing the option entirely will likely be my next level.