Journals and blogs discussion

I’ve been chatting with a lovely woman for some time and finally met her in person at the BBB a few weeks back. My heart went out to her, and I felt I could truly assist her—not just through kink dynamics. Before meeting up, I already knew about her troublesome back, and last weekend I visited her home to lend a hand. The experience was wonderful; I accomplished quite a bit, though perhaps not as much as hoped. Now, the distance between us combined with my work schedule means I won’t see her again until next weekend, which frustrates me greatly. During the 3½-hour drive back, she texted to grant permission for an orgasm upon arriving home. I removed my new device and did so. The release felt okay after two weeks of abstinence, but it didn’t quite sit right—it felt mechanical rather than natural—and left me with a sense of guilt afterward. Perhaps I had hoped she would have more say in the matter, even if just by being present for our hug afterwards. Upon closer inspection once home, I noticed rust on the inside of the new cage, so it won’t go back on yet. I want to spend more time there helping her organize her house—her back issues mean many tasks are left undone—and I feel frustrated that my location and work commitments limit how much I can do for her. It isn’t about kink; it’s practical life matters. It really bothers me not being able to give her a long, soothing foot rub to help relieve some of her pain and stress; the inability is eating at me internally. To manage this, I’m cutting back on expenses so I can afford the petrol for another trip next time. However, that visit will only last about a day before I return here for work, limiting my productivity during those times:(. Apologies if this is rambling; I just needed to vent because my emotions are running high. I want so much to help her, but the constraints hurt. I’m still somewhat new to knowing her well enough, which I understand, and perhaps I’ve fallen too fast given how clearly I see that I can make things easier for her. Still, I am quite sentimental and wish there were more ways to assist.