Journals and blogs discussion

Hello everyone, A few weeks ago Ms. T and I went through a session, and she allowed me to cum after extensive teasing. Once it finished, shame and self-loathing completely overwhelmed me. I despised myself for proposing this dynamic; wearing the chastity device, putting on panties, serving my wife, and so forth. My head was in a poor place mentally. Now that I am unlocked, I have refused to discuss it or even think about repeating the experience. This has been a desire of mine since forever, which makes me confused by how I reacted. My wife wants to return to it because she loved the extra attention. Honestly, she is annoyed that I brought up the relationship and then shut it down on my own without consulting her. Things at home are tough right now. I felt like I needed to reclaim my Man Card and stop acting like a sissy. I hold a strong position at work, so balancing those professional and domestic modes was difficult for me. Has anyone else dealt with this? Any advice? Thank you, J