I’ve spent more than forty years nudging my wife toward a stronger, leading role. It isn’t just about the bedroom; it’s that she struggles to say no to others. While most folks don’t exploit her kindness, some do. She also follows authority figures and titles without question. If told to take a pill every eight hours, she’ll wake up in the dead of night to swallow or hand one over. Stick to twelve-hour intervals? She won’t be early nor late by a minute.
I’m wired differently. See “do not press” on a button and I have to hit it!:)
I’ve let her steer our marriage however she pleases, provided she doesn’t become overbearing. If she orders me to do something and senses I’m grumbling about it, she feels guilty and changes her mind. Threaten her with punishment? She rarely follows through.
Right now, my wife is healing from surgery and can’t manage many daily tasks on her own. Consequently, she has to ask for help with the ordinary things we usually take for granted. The catch is that she’s quite OCD about how these are handled. It doesn’t matter if a task could wait; she wants it done immediately when she thinks of it. Moreover, she insists on doing them in her specific manner, even if it isn’t the most efficient or optimal method. To put it simply: it has to be her way, or else she gets irritable.
Initially, she would politely and almost shyly request my help, often apologizing for needing me. I kept reassuring her that I was glad to assist and that I didn’t view her as a burden. Recently, however, I’ve noticed a huge shift in her demeanor. She no longer asks; she commands, much like my old Army Drill Sergeant did. She has turned into someone dominant and demanding.
I’ll admit, sometimes I rebel against this treatment because I prefer loving domination where requests come with the expectation of compliance rather than coercion. I’m still figuring out if I enjoy her tone when giving orders.
It seems clear she now recognizes her power over me, and there’s no turning back for her. My hope is that she finds a middle ground between being difficult and acting as a loving mistress. I will do whatever she asks because I always have; I don’t need to be treated like a slave. Rather, I’d prefer the role of a loyal servant who willingly accepts the position.:)
I believe much of her behavior stems from frustration at having to rely on others, since she is the type who prefers doing everything herself and rejects help when possible. She’s also worried about the future; with another year before she’s fully recovered, she lives knowing that things could deteriorate quickly despite looking good now.
The ideal outcome is if she keeps her dominant streak but tempers it so it suits me better. I know fantasy enthusiasts will tell me to just do whatever my wife says and be grateful, but real-life partners understand the nuance. We have a marriage to manage and a world outside our door. Sometimes you wake up simply not wanting to serve anyone that day. I’ve never seen truly happy slaves (ignoring the fact that it’s voluntary by definition). No one does it unconditionally around the clock, despite what some posts suggest—they tend to exaggerate slightly for effect.