After going through numerous websites and posts that characterize a WLM/FLR as centered on a mistress/slave dynamic, I suppose we’ve been doing it incorrectly all along. My wife-led marriage is somewhat dull, yet I believe it rests more on reality than the accounts I often encounter, which seem crafted to appeal to male fantasies and sell books promising to transform your spouse into a Dominatrix by convincing her that this method alone controls her partner. It does amuse me occasionally.
Here’s how our WLM operates. My wife directs our marriage for reasons I won’t detail here. To outsiders or visitors at our house, we appear like any other pair. When she agreed to take the lead, she didn’t don latex skin and 8-inch heels or start collecting whips. In fact, her only real demand was an occasional foot massage in the evening. I took on some household chores that I volunteered for, whereas before I contributed nothing at all.
We still love and respect one another. We continue to ensure our decisions are discussed and mutually agreeable. My wife knows she holds the final authority, but we have never reached a point of irreconcilable disagreement over our 41-year marriage. This happens because both partners care for each other’s wishes. I am encouraging her to prioritize her pleasure more than mine because after four decades of putting my needs first, I felt it was time for me to nudge her toward prioritizing hers in the small daily matters like choosing a TV show or deciding where to eat. It actually saves time since we used to go back and forth asking who should decide until one of us surrendered based on what they thought the other wanted.:)
I have agreed to follow my wife’s requests because I trust her fairness, and she is fair. She still handles the bulk of running our household by choice. She also mentioned she didn’t want me to be her “Mistress” or become one of those bossy wives she dislikes. So she asks politely for things and thanks me afterward. If I fail to do something, there is no punishment involved. Indeed, our WLM stands apart from our sexual life.
I am only submissive during sex but remain a very alpha male in daily life, perhaps excessively so. However, if someone were naturally submissive, they would likely find the sexual element of an FLR appealing since you are no longer the controlling party in the relationship personally. I view it as finally getting my wife to stop being my servant and doing things that please her occasionally without regard for my pleasure. In the past, if we shared a couch and I wanted milk, she would jump up to get it. Now she just sits there waiting for me to fetch it myself. That is progress.
A bit of her new assertiveness has bled into our sex life, though not intentionally. She now easily tells me when she isn’t in the mood and enjoys orgasms without first ensuring I am pleased. There is a long story behind our sexual situation involving a third party who is no longer with us; let’s just say my wife and I were both BDSM inclined and vanilla at times. We had to find common ground, which we did through Teasing and Denial. This has an element of Chastity but only lasts for a few days at a time. She really enjoys it now and can easily have five or more orgasms in a week, whereas before she lost interest in sex together as I did too. My moans of pleasure have always triggered her orgasm; teasing me produces those sounds, and as she learned, so does applying heavy-duty clips to my nipples. She needs to hear me moan, so we found things that satisfied our sexual needs. So I would be lying if I said the WLM didn’t impact our sex life slightly, but it isn’t part of our core agreement. As our leader, sex is always at her desecration as it used to be at mine.
So there you have it: a real-life WLM. The only thing my wife wanted was foot and body massages whenever she asked; that was the sole contribution from her side. I designed the rest of the relationship with her approval, since without me, being submissive, she would still do everything around the house and cater to all my needs. I enjoyed a great 41-year run living in a sort of threesome, having both a Mistress and a loving wife who did everything to please me, even bringing her girlfriend into our bed to satisfy my BDSM fetish.
We are still adjusting, but she is starting to ask or sometimes tell me to do small things like cleaning the shower after herself or getting her water while she lies on the couch with the dog on her lap. These are things I always wanted to do for her anyway. There is no display of power from her part. The greatest impact has been that she brought my compulsive and impulsive spending under control and paid off all our charge cards. While I have always asked if she was okay with me buying things, she used to be too lenient and let me buy many expensive items we didn’t need. I would purchase stuff, play with it for a while, then never touch it again. That has been the most positive outcome of our WLM.
I did ask her to whip and paddle my bottom once to see if she liked it, but she freaked out when she saw the bruises she made and hasn’t wanted to repeat it. Our view is that I am free to ignore her requests, so why would I since I asked for a WLM in the first place? She sees no need to force me into doing anything I don’t want to do voluntarily because she said she doesn’t want a slave husband but rather the strong and aggressive man she married. When we go out, we look just like everyone else; I ask if she needs anything, and she does the same for me.
As I mentioned, it’s boring but real.